No, these two things aren't related but they're on my mind.
First, the baby shower thing.
I never had one. My family has this thing about having a baby shower before the baby is born because they think it is bad luck. Whatever. I didn't have the energy to argue with them about it so I said, “Fine, we'll have a shower after the baby is born.” I had several offers from the boyfriend's family to throw me one before the birth but I had to continually decline. My grandmother ended up buying me most of the baby supplies, which I am incredibly grateful for. Of course, by that point, there was really no need for a traditional shower. That was okay, too. I put the word out that just a little “Welcome to the World” party would be lovely. But, no one stepped up to do this and it was apparently left up to me to organize a party for myself. Not only did I feel weird about doing that I also didn't have the energy. So the birth of my son was never “officially” celebrated. I don't know why this is bothering me now, when he's getting closer and closer to his second birthday. I guess it just says to me that since my pregnancy wasn't planned and the circumstances were less than ideal that no one felt the need to say, “Hey, Kelly, we're genuinely happy for you. Here's a cake.” I'm especially confused that my grandmother, Miss Martha Stewart herself, wasn't all over a baby shower-type affair, regardless of the situation. I don't know. There just still seems to be this vibe of “You shouldn't have a baby” hanging in the air and it's really getting to me. I guess I'm just upset that since I'm not planning on having any more children that the one I did have wasn't celebrated the way that everyone else's was. Or maybe I'm insane. It's really a very silly thing to worry about.
Moving on. Summer nights.
I don't like air conditioning. Granted, when it gets extremely hot I do turn it on just to be sensible. But last night it was just cool enough to leave it off. I woke up around 3 a.m. for no apparent reason. I lied awake in bed for awhile, listening to this one cricket chirp. I have these sheer white curtains on my window and one of the reasons that I love them so much is because on breezy summer nights they billow up the slightest bit. It looks so pretty. I loved lying in bed and feeling that tiny little breeze come through and cool the sweat that was starting to form on my brow.
I have these great sheets that my grandmother gave me and for awhile I just moved my feet back and forth, letting the edge of the sheet run in between my toes. It felt luscious. I love summer. I'll be sad to see it go. Of course, that means I'll have autumn nights to look forward to.