I’m trying to be all healthy and active and whatnot

I Read A Lot of Internets

my day

Last night, after finishing the interview, I wrote a few words of the article and realized that there was pretty much no hope of me finishing it before today. I set my work aside and went to sleep. This morning, I woke up kind of early and worked on it for about 45 minutes when I heard the baby calling me. I went into his room to find that he had dried, crusty blood covering his upper lip and streaked all over his pajamas and crib sheet. At some point during the night, he had a nosebleed. I don't know if he jabbed himself with one of his fingernails or if his nose just got too dry with the weather and all. So after that shock first thing in the morning, I had some usual morning annoyances: baby not wanting to eat, blahblahblah. After “breakfast” we went into the living room and I tried to convince the baby to play by himself while I finished writing my article. Sure enough, he had his morning, um, “movement” and needed to be changed. I took him upstairs and when I came back down the boyfriend was getting ready to leave for the day. An argument ensued. They subject of the argument really isn't important, because it was very dumb. Basically, the boyfriend was pissed at my mother for something trivial and taking it out on me. I reminded him that I was not my mother and that any beef that he had with her should be dealed with her directly, instead of yelling at me in front of our toddler. Well, I was called some choice names which nearly sent me into a blind fury. He left. I called my mom to tell her that the boyfriend was pissed at her but that I had graciously endured his wrath. She bitched at me for something totally unrelated. On top of all of this, I still had to finish my article. As soon as I sat down at the computer, I started bawling. I was hurt and irritated that whatever crap was bothering them had been turned into my problem. Not only that, I was still responsible for laundry and cleaning the house for all of us. Just then, my dad called. He had off of work today and wanted to see if I wanted to have lunch. I couldn't help but spill my guts to him. He sympathized, which was nice. After I got off of the phone with him I was still crying pretty hard. My son asked me, “Sad?” I nodded yes, and he crawled up into my lap and gave me a hug. Then he took my tissue, wiped the tears from my eyes, put his head on my chest and said, “Mom, it's a beautiful day.” I could have died. I said to him, “Every day with you is a beautiful day,” and hugged him until he almost broke. \
I can't believe how lucky I am to have him and I can't believe how sweet he is.\
I'm still very irritated with my mother and my boyfriend and I'm generally beyond sick of my living situation. The most frustrating thing is that, at the moment, I can't seem to do anything about anything in my life. I feel like I'm just waiting for someone to say, “Okay, now you can go about living.” And that's a shitty attitude to have. I don't know. Lots of pressure from nearly every facet of my life right now and I can feel myself starting to crack. Tomorrow I'll feel better, but for right now it's doom and gloom and a very strong craving for something chocolate.

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