Sigh. There he is. My kindergartener. Despite sleeping later than I meant to, this morning went rather well. We got all of his stuff together last night and I explained to him that some of the other parents would be at school with their kids this morning but that Mum and Dad had to go to school, too. We wouldn’t be there to transition him into his classroom, take his picture, give a few extra hugs, but that didn’t mean we weren’t with him in his heart or that we didn’t love him. He cried a little bit but I reassured him and this morning he was ready to go.
The arrival of the bus was a little anti-climactic. After seeing several of the little yellow variety go by, a white van with one of those school students signs on it pulled up. I think we were all a little disappointed, but hey, as long as it gets my one and only child to school safely and in one piece, I don’t care.
We kissed him and made sure he was buckled in. Then they pulled away and were gone.
Then I cried.
The combination of this big event and the long weekend really threw me off and I realized this morning that I had not done any of the readings for my 9 a.m. class. Occasionally, people ask me how I handle work, school, house, and family and I always reply, “Very ungracefully.” I screw something up at least once a week. To employ a trite and very overused metaphor, it’s a juggling act. And if you’ve ever seen me juggle in real life…well, you haven’t, because I can’t juggle for shit. But I drop at least one ball every time I start tossing them in the air. It’s really frustrating. I really need an extra three hours in the day.
We were looking at resumes in class this morning and I got a little freaked out. I feel so old compared to most of my classmates who, for the most part, come right from college and high school before that. What’s worse, I feel like I’ve spent most of my time out of college working at something which is not really at all related to anything that I would like to do in life. I’m scared how this will reflect on me when I go job-hunting two and a half years from now. I’m so scared of getting desperate and taking any job only to hate myself for it later.