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My wife assassinated my sexual identity and my kids are eating my dreams

We had a little resume workshop in my class this morning and of course our prof came over and listened in on my group while we were looking at my resume and cover letter. After she left, there was an uncomfortable silence as we all wondered just how I managed to not kill myself getting out of the shower everyday, now that my utter stupidity has been displayed for all to see in the form of subject-verb disagreement. Simply put, I wrote my cover letter in lolcat. “I haz batchlurs. I will haz masturs. I can haz job now plz?”

In other words, I’ve been a little busy and my work, all areas of it, are suffering. I knew the cover letter was going to be a piece of shit, mostly because when I tried to recall when I wrote it, I simply could not remember. Luckily, the day job will ease up slightly in the next week or so and I might not flunk out of my grad program. Now I just need to remember where I left my kid…

In cooking news, I made Stovetop Cheddar Mac last night. It was certainly inferior to the homemade stuff that Jwan makes, but it was quick and easy and it hit the spot. I added a couple generous sprinkles of cayenne pepper to brighten the flavor a bit. The other night I made Apricot Poppy Chicken which was really REALLY good. The baby declared it “the best dinner I’ve ever eated.” So there. Also, the new issue of Everyday Food arrived at our house yesterday and there are so many awesome cool-weather recipes this month. They feature meat loaf and I curse any available deities that my husband hates meat loaf, cause I need a baked pile of ground beef with a Heinz ketchup glaze in my life, goddammit.

8 comments to My wife assassinated my sexual identity and my kids are eating my dreams

  • Karen D.

    –They feature meat loaf and I curse any available deities that my husband hates meat loaf, cause I need a baked pile of ground beef with a Heinz ketchup glaze in my life, goddammit.

    I think you should just make the meat loaf and the husband can fend for himself.

  • Mary

    Lee and I both like meatloaf. :)

    Also, that chicken looks crazy good. It reminds me of a recipe in the Times that I ran across a while ago for an apricot-lamb stew that I may be forced to try sometime this winter.

    Also also, I wish I knew how to really cook, for reals. Maybe when this program is done I can learn how to cook delicious stuff…aside from cupcakes. :)

  • I have been going through resumes today, and I can’t imagine your cover letter was worse than most of these. Some people didn’t even bother writing one. You know where I put there resumes? That’s right, the recycling bin. Fuck em if they can’t even read the ad for the job that clearly states “resume and cover letter.”

    You know what cookbook made me think of you the other day? How to Boil Water. Not because you’re so clueless that you can’t boil water, but because the recipes in it are healthy and amazingly delicious and most don’t take more than 30 minutes to do, plus a lot of those that take longer than that are so simple a monkey or maybe the baby could do them.

    Anyway, you gotta get this cookbook (it was practically free at Costco – do you guys have Costco?). The Date Night Chicken is so good I want to be buried in a tub of it so I can eat my way out.

    You should also totally get a subscription to Cooking Light if you don’t have one. The food is delicious and WW friendly and your family won’t even bitch about the food quality.

  • Hey, next time you need a cover letter, let me know. I’m pretty sure I’ve written about 54w89045368903456890-5890-456890-564790564790 of them. Some for “real” jobs and some for jobs that have absolutely no right expecting a cover letter.

    Oh, and the more you cook, the easier it is, and the easier those complicated recipes become. Sheryl told me that once when discussing the difficulty level of Sundays at the Moosewood and she was right.

  • That’s it. We’re having a meat loaf party, which sounds really perverse but is actually good, clean fun. Karen, you’re invited.

  • Amber, I’ll look into that cookbook. I actually just got my first issue of Cooking Light yesterday!

  • Tate

    I would love to see an LOLcat cover letter. Good god, would I ever.

    Also, props to the subject of this entry.

  • Kisara

    You stole that title. It was a joke in Louis CK’s act.

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