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TLC: Your source for horrible Americans

I’m slowly (sloooooowly) working on an essay and I have TLC on in the background so I can half-watch crap shows about weddings and babies and interior decorating. What? It helps me think. Plus, the dishwasher isn’t working so I got all aggro. I need to balance out the testosterone before I go out to the street and start picking fistfights with strangers.

Currently, there’s a show on called Moving Up. One of the couples featured consists of a barber from New Jersey and a seamtress from Honduras. The husband describes meeting his wife: “I could tell she was a good one. That’s why I picked her. Snapped her up real quick.” What? He goes on to say that she’s a wonderful homemaker. The wife grins and says, “I try to be good.”

My new favorite couple takes a walk through their new house and they discuss what changes they’re going to make. The husband says that his oldest son’s room will be decorated in a baseball motif. “We want to push him toward baseball.” The designer, sure that he’s at least partially kidding, says that they don’t want to push him too hard because what if the kid wants to do ballet. “I’ll break his ballerina legs.” Oookay.

Later on in the episode, the wife is “out of the country” to “deal with some family things.” Did she suddenly realize she married a total douche?

* * *

Kids learn cause and effect pretty early, but I guess the finer points of that phenomenon take a little bit longer to sink in. Earlier, I was upstairs doing laundry when the baby yelled to me that he was having a nosebleed. I came down and was helping him clean up, when he said, “I don’t know why this happened. I was just picking my nose when all of a sudden it started bleeding.”

3 comments to TLC: Your source for horrible Americans

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