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King in the castle

The baby and I are still pajama-clad. We’re parked on the couch and watching Robots.

Thanksgiving was decent. Lots of food, plenty of wine. We did the usual tour: to my mom’s to eat with my family and then to my mother-in-law’s to eat with the husband’s family. My dad was supposed to meet up with us at either place, but he chose instead to just spend the whole day with his friends’ family and that really bummed me out. For some reason, I’ve been really emo lately about my parents being divorced, even though they split up over ten years ago. I’m actually very glad that they split up, but it’s because I don’t think they ever should have been together in the first place, they’re so incompatible. But in some indirect way I regret my own existence? I don’t know. I guess I just wish that whatever unhappiness they went through in the past, it wouldn’t affect us still being together as a family when we can.

Enough overshare.

The husband went out with Matt on a photographic expedition of Pittsburgh’s industrial ruins. I am not participating in any Black Friday activities because fuck that shit. Also, it’s Buy Nothing Day, which I don’t hear much about anymore but I’m always perfectly happy to stay away from the mall. However, I might have to buy something, namely kitty litter and toilet bowl cleaner, as our various shitters are in need of some maintenance.

7 comments to King in the castle

  • I am glad I am not the only emo chick about her parents getting divorced. I am 31 years old and four years later, I still whine about the whole thing.

  • Yeah. I guess it sucks at any age, you know?

  • chaircrusher

    I really don’t feel like I ever ‘got over’ my parent’s divorce. It doesn’t dominate my mood from day to day or anything, but it’s like shit you just can’t completely scrape off your shoe.

    1. Being in a family means participating in a shared narrative, a story you tell the world about your family. When the ‘rents break up, you realize how false a lot of that narrative is, and you have come up with a new narrative. The new narrative’s dominant theme is failure, and it stinks up everyone involved.

    2. The gift that keeps on giving — I still, 20 years on, get to hear my mother occasionally riff on what a shit my dad was. That’s irritating, because I was there, no argument, game over. It’s as tedious as sitting around talking about George Bush with a bunch of whiny liberals.

    3. The new wife of Dad, who points up every shallow attribute my mom lacked that my Dad coveted.

  • j3n

    IMO, its okay to buy things you would need on a regular basis on Buy Nothing Day. Its more about not giving into the propaganda machine that says you must buy a bunch of crap you don’t actually need or that other people probably won’t want all in the name of the season.

  • I just linked to this apropros of the divorce issue. I like this conversation and I’m wicked sick of people just telling me to get over my parents’ divorce. So thanks for speaking up.

  • Thanks, dudes. I think it must definitely be easier than if they had gotten divorced when I was little, but there’s definitely a loss of the shared narrative. I feel it especially on holidays, which are so family-centric. There’s not one place that I can go to and find my family waiting. That sucks.

  • jennica

    wow- thanks for posting this!! (and thanks, E, for the link!)
    SO nice to know that Im not alone in this feeling!! My parents divorce is not even over yet, and its hell!! I feel so fragmented now. So misplaced. My family (the five of us!) defined who I am for so long- and now that identity, my STRUCTURE, is being completely dismantled.
    Every recital, every play, every award ceremony; its always been Mom and Dad together in the audience. Every holiday…every major event…and now…ugh!! Everything has changed and it is so very hard to cope.

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