Our office had our holiday lunch today and we were sitting kind of close to the kitchen. So now I have that restaurant kitchen smell all about me. I hate that smell. It instantly takes me back to my old waitressing jobs, leaving my shift exhausted and smelling like grease and fish and dishwater.
Lunch ate up a good two hours so I’ve been busy all day. However, I did get my grades for the semester: an A- and a B+. I am very happy…mostly because I am DONE and I don’t have to stress about this semester ever again.
I am going to attempt to make up for the crappiness of this semester by doing at least one fun thing with the baby, his choice, during my break. I blew up at him on Sunday during the dinner and I’ve felt really awful about it ever since. He was being rude and obnoxious and I couldn’t take it anymore. I was still so worn out from everything and I just wanted him to settle down. Also, immediately after my outburst, I took a big sip from my glass of wine. I suddenly realized, “Hey. I’m trashy! Go to the store and get me some cigarettes, kid!”
I know that us being so stressed out over the semester affected him and I feel really bad about that. I wish that everything could be calmer, but if we can just make it through this rough time, we’ll come out much better. I hope.
A side effect of the semester has been a total lack of interest in anything to do with xmas. I sent out cards yesterday and baked. Last night we got our tree. But that’s it. I haven’t done any shopping and to be truthful, I’m really turned off by the thought of giving or receiving anything this year. I just don’t want to do it. I just haven’t been able to throw myself into xmas like I have in the past and even then I never got way into it. My mom and mother-in-law and the grandmas keep pestering me for gift ideas for the baby and I keep snottily telling them to forget it. I don’t know what I’m giving him, so I’m not going to just give away any ideas. Plus, the thought of my kid receiving yet another ton of toys next week makes me kind of sad.
Any therapists in the crowd?