I’m trying to be all healthy and active and whatnot

I Read A Lot of Internets

i didn’t post this

I was going to write about how this morning when I woke up the baby he sleepily told me to “put on a talent show,” and how I was like, “I do everything else for you, I’m not fucking tapdancing, too,” and then how later, when I was trying to get him dressed, he simultaneously got a nosebleed, started peeing, farting, and sneezing and then a few minutes later wiped a gigantic booger on the hand towel and how he seems to have grown 3 inches since 7 p.m. last night because his pants are way too short and I’ve been having these really bizarre nightmares that I can’t remember any details of, other than “there were some people.”

But I thought about all of that and I said to myself, “This is all stupid,” so I didn’t post this. So the fact that you’re reading this is truly a feat of science. You should contact the media about your awesome ability to conjure non-existent blog posts.

1 comment to i didn’t post this

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