I’m trying to be all healthy and active and whatnot

I Read A Lot of Internets


mamasaidno tagged me for a meme a few days ago and (in my head) I said, “Oh, sure, I’ll totally do that.” The only problem was that the meme required me to list six quirks of mine and I couldn’t think of a single one, which is bullshit, because I am nothing if not quirky.

So, quirk #1: I forget all of my quirks.

But I was fooling around on Twitter last night and noticed that my number of followers had changed. So I opened up my Twitter Excel spreadsheet and…

Wait, did I just say “Twitter Excel spreadsheet?” Yes. Yes, I did.

Quirk #2:

I keep an Excel spreadsheet of my Twitter followers and followees.

Since then, I’ve been trying to think of other quirks and consider “picking my lips” as quirk #3, but couldn’t decide if that was a quirk or just a really bad habit. It’s mostly an unconscious act, which suggests habit, but the degree of comfort and weird satisfaction that I derive from it suggests quirk. Then again, it’s physically damaging, if only on a minor scale, but, like, at the more extreme end of that scale is something like, say, self-mutilation. And holy shit maybe I should see someone about this.

See what I did there?

Quirk #3:

I argue semantics with myself.

But I have a good fourth one.

Quirk #4:

I suck (SUCK) at math. As in, I had to take College Algebra for Jocks, English Majors, and Other Assorted Dumbasses THREE TIMES. I’m not even shitting you. But I love numbers and the patterns that they create. The Fibonacci Sequence? Yes, please! And sometimes, I’ll pick a string of numbers, say 7285020 and will add up the various digits until I get to a single number.

Quirk #5

I quote movies constantly. This might be annoying, but people always seem entertained when I bust out with shit like, “You ARE the brute squad.”

Quirk #6

I don’t drive. And I’m turning 30 in October. I don’t know if the husband or my other assorted chauffeurs family members would call this a quirk or “a fucking pain in my ass,” but I’m going to go with quirk. I can drive. Like, I know how to do it, but I don’t have my license. I’ve taken the test a number of times but failed each time after my nerves got the better of me and I swore at the DMV guy. (Quirk #7 tests of any kind give me panic attacks.) However, the husband pointed out that I will probably have to figure out a way to pass the test since he’ll be working next year and someone will need to pick up our kid from school. Bah.

So, there’s 6…well, 7 quirks and probably more information than you needed. The other part of this meme is to tag 6 suckers to do the same. Argh, I hate this part, but I will tag Amber, Tracey, Jive Turkey, Black Hockey Jesus, Angela, and The Gay Housewife. Do it. Or not.

7 comments to quirks

  • Twitter….spreadsheet?



    OMG!! Cuz you know what I do? I just monitor the numbers in my head and then scroll through my follower/followee list like a spazz until I figure out who the new guy is. So far the system is working, but the numbers of followers/followees are becoming less manageable each day. You’re a genius.

    I will do this, mostly because I need a backup post topic when I inevitably run out of interesting things to say now that I have a week of doing fuck-all ahead of me.

  • Frank Provo

    I just got my license yesterday at the ripe age of 33. No kidding. Grew up in a city with great mass transit (Seattle), then basically let it sliiiiide. Did take driver’s ed in high school, but was TERRRRIIIBLE. We’re talking the kind of terrible where the instructor frequently uses his brake and tells you “don’t even get near that highway onramp.”

    When I got my instruction permit earlier this year, I put a taskmaster style plan in my head to get this done. Local SOS/DMV has the usual driver’s pamphlet, but also had a test guide too. I actually went out on practice drives and knocked out everything in the guide, even making sure to get the 50 hours of experience before calling to take the test. Spent 6 hours this weekend alone practicing parallel parking and driveway backing. We bought orange cones to help with that! Time consuming, a bit nerve wracking at times, but the end result was totally worth it.

    Driving is like porn. You need to do it until you no longer feel any emotion or arousal. Er… bad analogy… but true.

  • I suck ASS at math too. It’s so bad that when I used to work retail and someone would give me cash, then hand me change AFTER I had already entered their cash amount into the register, I could not recalculate their change without a calculator. Or sometimes I just asked them what I owed them, because I would panic and forget even the most basic math skills. Sheesh, what a moron.

    Also, I had TWO tutors for high school Trig, and still got a D. FANTASTIC.

    My list will follow next week. Consider me successfully tagged.

  • juli

    i had the same problem with the driving, the first time i broke out in tears and the second time i went 1 mile over the speed limit and the third time i tried to run over the guy that failed me the second time, the third tester found this funny and actually told me to keep trying to hit him, he was at the penn hills dmv, i can try and find his name, he was freaking fantastic and saw how nervous i was and took the time to calm me down and tell me sneaky little tricks and what not

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