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I Read A Lot of Internets

i get candy

On Friday, the baby brought home some classwork and I forgot to check his folder for it. This morning, right before rushing him out the door, I glanced at the sentences that he wrote and started cracking up. Behold, selections from “My Writing Journal #12” by my son, the maniac:

My favorite song is we will we will rock you. Is my favorite song becus it is the best. It reley rockx. I reley like lierix.

I hit the pinata and I get candy. My favorite candy is choulite. (I’m guessing this is “chocolate.”) My pinata is cool. I love my pinata. My pinata is a t-rex face.

If I had one million dollars I would by a hot tub. I would by a manchun. I would get one million more. So me i could be rich. I love money.

I shopped all day for chikin. Chikin is soo good. mmm! Oh ya!

Five white things are me. Papper. Showman. glue. Marshmello.

I showed the husband and we were nearly in tears. All day I’ve been saying, “Mmm, chicken. I’m white.”

Also, I think I’m going to write a parenting book based around this tip that I offer to you from my own experience: If your child is in some kind of tizzy and is coming at you giggling maniacally and flailing? Just stiff-arm him.

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9 comments to i get candy

  • That’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever read! I think my favorite is his list of things that are white.

    One time when I was visiting my family, I took Little Brock to speech therapy and his therapist was teaching him about differences. She asked him what the difference was between him and her. She was black and I instantly knew what difference he was going to pick, even though I was frantically sending him mind messages, “BOY! GIRL! BOY! GIRL!” but he very sweetly declared, “Well, you’re brown and I’m white.”

    Kids really do say the darndest things!

  • “Lierix” is hilarious. Also, the fact that he likes lierix, and chose We Will Rock You to demonstrate that.

  • Alaina

    Sooo funny! And your nails look nice!

  • jodi

    I’m delurking a day late. That is just how I roll. I comment once in a while…that is also how I roll.
    I have no idea how I found your blog…I am from da Burgh, as well. We are sisters…of some sort.

    I have to share a similar Queen/kid story. Every year, my son wants to participate in the school talent show. He has no talent. None of us do. Well. No talent that is acceptable for the school talent show. This particular year, he wanted to sing. He kept asking. I kept denying. I know…it isn’t fair…I should encourage him…but I have flashbacks from my school talent show…and someone’s dad busting out the video at our high school graduation…seeing me in 6th grade tooting on my flute…it hurts to think of it….so…anyway…
    He is asking to sing in the talent show. I finally asked him what he wanted to sing. He looked at me, encouraged that he was making progress…and said “Fat Bottom Girls.” The laughter started in my belly. I tried. I really tried to say something with a straight face…but I couldn’t. When your 7 year old wants to sing Queen at the school talent show…what do you say?
    So…I asked him if he knew what it was about? He didn’t. Clearly.
    So…I told him…I said…”baby, that song is about girls with big bums.”
    The requests to sing stopped.
    Anyway…
    Just thought I would share…and say hi…and waste time when I should be working.

  • “Five white things are me…”

    BRILLIANT.

  • “I shopped all day for chikin. Chikin is soo good. mmm! Oh ya!”
    This cracks me up.

  • Oh, The Baby, you DO rock!!!

    Also – Fat Bottom Girls story – hahaaaaaaaa

  • Cat

    No need to translate choulite. I knew exactly what he was talking about because it is my favorite as well.

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