I’m trying to be all healthy and active and whatnot

I Read A Lot of Internets

i’m kind of a big deal jerk

Thanks to Facebook, I’m pretty close to collecting every person I’ve ever met in my entire life. The connections that I have to people that add me now are getting more and more fuzzy, like, “Oh, yes, we did have World History together in 9th grade. What have you been up to since that day that we learned about the Battle of Hastings? Harold FTW, right?”

I kind of like it, though. I mean, I imagine I should be lamenting the time just a year or so ago when, if I reflected on so-and-so, all I could do is wonder what they were up to. At best, I could Google them but those almost always led me to pointless genealogy sites. Now I can quickly find out who they married, how many kids they have and, usually, what they’re doing at any given moment.

But I think it’s kind of nice, at least for a social phobe like me, to have that bare minimum of contact at all times. I get to avoid that awkward conversation if I happen to bump into someone on the street: “Oh, hi! Great to see you. How’ve you been? Okay, I’ve got to get going/do something other than this.”

Anyway, my favorite thing to do now is if someone from high school adds me on Facebook and they’ve turned out to be hardcore Republicans, I read their wall back to November 4 to see if they got all pissy.

What? I’ve never made any claims to being sane or mature.

Also, my kid startled me by knocking over a chair in the dining room. I replied, “Yo, what the FUCK?” I’m just going to start apologizing now for how he turns out. He never stood a chance.

2 comments to i’m kind of a big deal jerk

  • Smarttest thing I ever did? Use my married name ONLY in FaceBook. I have mostly avoided the high school kiddos, other than a few random overly ambitious stalker types. It’s good that I can see them, though, so that I can be sure that they aren’t anywhere near me. Ever.

  • JC

    I’m always baffled when someone from high school wants to connect on Facebook. I feel like messaging them something like, ‘Wow, it’s been such a long time since you totally fucking ignored me back in 1993.’ I add them or whatever, anyway, mostly out of morbid curiosity. It’s kind of hard for me to avoid them since I still have the same name and all. I take comfort in the fact that they ignore me on Facebook just as much as they ignored me back then. And I totally don’t send them Flair.

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