I’m trying to be all healthy and active and whatnot

I Read A Lot of Internets

anne of green crack pipes

It’s a rainy Saturday and I spent all afternoon at one of my grandmother’s Ladies’ Lunches. So I have that post-being-dressed-up fatigue and don’t want to do anything but bum around the internet. So, here we are.

About a year or so ago, I subscribed to this site that posted old VHS videos. I never really thought about it, but there was a lot going on in the world of home entertainment in the 80s and most of it was…not good. And the people behind the site managed to find some real treasures, even if they were just video greeting cards that people did for someone’s 40th birthday or something.

Anyway, I didn’t notice that nothing from the site had come through my Google Reader in quite some time until I was killing some time the other day, unsubscribing from stuff that had been abandoned. (The internet is littered with the dessicated corpses of blogs and websites that people lose enthusiasm for. It’s kind of depressing, especially when you remember a site that you used to really love and go there only to find tumbleweeds. There needs to be some kind of orphanage for these sites. Or at least a proper burial. Or perhaps I need to quit anthropomorphizing the internet. Does this mean the matrix has me?) So I clicked through and found that they had moved to a new site and collaborated with someone else doing the same thing. The whole operation is now at Found Footage Fest.

A recent favorite of mine is Shattered: When Your Kid’s on Drugs, which seems to be a pretty typical, “I smoked pot for the first time on Friday and now it’s Monday and I’ve given away all of my possessions for crack and I think I may have murdered my parents and it burns when I pee,” scare movie that they’ve been rehashing every generation since the days of Reefer Madness (and earlier, I’m sure).

What’s especially terrific about it is the cast. It stars Judd Nelson, who I thought for sure had a prolific drug problem but apparently not; Burt Reynolds, who, bless his heart, never had a thought that wasn’t written for him first; Dermot Mulroney, whose only movie roles I can ever remember are Bad Girls and Point of No Return and I’m pretty sure I’m the only person to have seen these movies because when we see him in something and the husband asks me, “What was he in?” I say, “Bad Girls and Point of No Return and I think he’s married to Catherine Keener,” he looks at me with a rather puzzled expression.

Best of all, Shattered stars Megan Follows as a budding crack-ho-to-be. Megan Follows, of course, was in the Anne of Green Gables movies, which were partially responsible for my pre-teen/early teen identity because I had red hair and was dramatic and liked puffy sleeves, which is perhaps the only fashion item that the Victorian era and 80s wedding dresses had in common. One time, I randomly found a small bottle of ipecac in the copier room at work and went on and on about how Anne and Diane saved Diane’s little sister with ipecac because the doctor couldn’t get there and blah blah blah Lady of Shallot Gil Miranda blah. And I wondered why I couldn’t get a boyfriend.

Perhaps it would be best if I just stopped here and showed you the video I’m talking about.

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