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30 days of truth day 8: someone who made your life hell

Hmm…I’m having a hard time with this one. I think I’ve been pretty fortunate to have mostly good people in my life. And the ones that weren’t so good…we’ve either worked through it because we had to or they’re not in my life anymore.

When my parents were together and extremely unhappy, that made my life hellish. I remember sitting on my bedroom floor when a friend of mine was over one day. We were playing Barbies and I was trying to ignore the extremely loud argument that my parents were having downstairs. I was so embarrassed. I finally looked up at my friend and said, “I’m sorry my parents are yelling.” She looked back at me and said, “It’s okay. My parents used to do that all the time.” Having what is supposed to be the foundation of your family so plainly, obviously broken is/was embarrassing, even though it’s the case for so many of us. They finally called it quits some years after that, and it’s been slowly getting better.

I had some not so nice kids in the schools that I went to, particularly in middle school, and the teachers that should have done something, didn’t. They even seemed to delight in the fact that me and other targets were learning lessons about functioning in society. They didn’t have to protect me. They didn’t have to enforce any anti-bullying rules. They didn’t have to teach those kids to be nicer. But they should have pointed out ridiculous behavior when it was apparent. And they didn’t. I’ve forgiven them, both the kids and the teachers, because people that supremely shitty have my pity. And since they’re all so super Catholic and holier than thou, they’re probably going to hell, anyway. So me possibly being mad at them is the least of their worries, am I right? So, even though I was disappointed to find out that my kid had acted as a bully, it was very encouraging to know that that behavior is being reported, taken seriously, and acted upon. There’s no “life lesson” in withstanding abuse, aside from, “People will unnecessarily hurt you and you will have no refuge.” And that’s just not true.

I, of course, had one boyfriend who didn’t treat me very nice at all. He had so many messed up views on relationships that he let guide his actions with me. He never let his feelings for me lead him, feelings which, he told me after I’d already ended things, ran very deep. From what I understand, he hasn’t changed and perhaps he thinks he’s happy keeping people at a distance, only to be heartbroken when they finally detach. I wish him luck with that. I’m over it.

But just as I’ve made my life worth living, I’ve also made my life hell. When I don’t allow myself to think of myself as a good person or as someone worthy of love, those are my darkest days.

Day 01 Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

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