I’m trying to be all healthy and active and whatnot

I Read A Lot of Internets

yes, what is it, simon? i'm arranging matchbooks.

Happy New Year!

What’s that? You say that 2011 is practically almost over already? Well, I’ll be…

Yes, this is my first post on here for 2011. My poor little blog. I started back to work after the winter break and felt completely spun around. I think it’s mostly seasonal. When the days are short, I get overwhelmed. In addition to the 9 to 5, I’m still writing at MamaPop,** plus I’m now officially the managing editor at We Covet. It’s a lot of work, but it’s good. And I feel like I’m really making use of my MA, which means a lot to me. But I’ve had literally no time for regular internet stuff and nearly cry every time I click “Mark all as read” on Google Reader.

But, really, not much has happened since we last spoke. I got a new retainer! I had a permanent one affixed to the back of my bottom teeth when I got my braces removed when I was…uh…13? And it was fine up until about September, when we were at a barbecue and someone made deep-fried corn on the cob. And I was like, “Put that in my face.” It was very tasty, but obviously harder than regular corn and it broke the wire on the retainer.

I went to my dentist to get it removed so that it wouldn’t cut up my mouth and then our conversation was like:

“Do you want to get another one?”

“Uh, is that what I should do?”

“Well, you don’t have to get it replaced.”

“Then what happens?”

“Well, your teeth will probably shift and that could cause serious problems down the road, from having to get braces again to getting teeth extracted.”

“Uh, so, it sounds like I should get it replaced.”

Like, why was I even presented with an option? When you go to the emergency room with a broken leg, do they get your opinion on whether or not you want a cast? No! They say, “I went to school for a million years so that I could be an expert in these situations, unlike you, who is still struggling to understand the nuances of the last Real Housewives episode. You’re getting a cast and some crutches and then I’ll tell you how long you’ll keep it on and then I’ll tell you how much physical therapy you need. You see this ‘M.D.’ after my name? That doesn’t stand for ‘Mad Dog,’ my friend.”

Anyway, getting an appointment with the orthodontist was a whole other ordeal because I had to keep rescheduling and then one day I went to the wrong location and another day the bus never came. But I finally got there and sat in a chair in an open room with lots of other exam chairs (are they standard for orthodontists?). And the orthodontist said, “So, your retainer broke and you would like to get a new one? That’s what you want to do?” This did not make me feel any better. I’m lying down with my mouth stretched out and dude is asking for my medical opinion on my teeth, which, by the way, I can’t see and know nothing about. Yes. Please. Give the goddamned retainer.

The orthodontist’s office was above a Starbucks and after I had my new retainer, my mouth tasted like cement so I went to get a coffee. There was a lady there who had a nervous tic of loudly saying, “Hold on! Wait! Hold on!” in a very irritated tone. She either had a) Tourette’s or b) a couple of kids.

*Eddie Izzard’s impression of entrances in British movies, which is what this post feels like.

**Psst! Please read my Big Love recaps! I work really hard on them and it’s the last season and I can’t take the Henricksons alone!

2 comments to what is it sebastian? i’m arranging matches.*

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