kdiddy.org

I’M DONE, BETCHES. PRAISE BE JEBUS!

Now, all I have to do is tend to Big Work Thing on Saturday and I can relax! Well, I’ll probably also spend a good portion of my days hoping that that paper wasn’t a TOTAL piece of shit, but yeah.

DONE. With this semester. I still have two more years of edumacation but let’s not dwell on that.

I think I’m going to pass out.

I swear I have never taken this long to write a paper in my whole goddamned life. Word limit is 1500. I’m striving for 1200. Currently at 933 (that’s including my name and crap because fuck all). I’ve been writing this piece of shit since Friday.

I have a big work thing on Saturday, then after that it’s party central.

The baby’s tee-ball team is having their pictures taken on Saturday. I am going to purchase one of those huge buttons and put it on my purse. And get a mom bob.

Classes are over, betches. I’m pleased.

That’s all I wanted to say. Also, the baby is, I guess, entering that phase where he tries to touch everything with his penis. That’s a phase, right? Like, I’m not raising a flasher, right?

*Wooderson in Dazed and Confused

My sister-in-law graduated from college today. She didn’t want to go to the big commencement ceremony, which was kind of a relief for everyone since they’re generally 3 or 4 hours long. Instead, her department had breakfast for graduates and their families.

I didn’t even think of it until now, but I graduated from college exactly five years ago today. The baby was not quite a year and a half old at that point and the husband was still the boyfriend.

Holy shit, I checked someecards.com for something to send to the sister-in-law and found this:

I’m beginning to think that the sole inspiration for someecards is my life.

I had insomnia last night. I slept from 12 until 2:30 a.m. when the husband’s choice of going-to-sleep music woke me up. I dozed off for a few minutes here and there but some time after 3 I was just awake. Then at 4:30 the birds started singing and I started wishing for pestilence to wipe them all out, ecosystem be damned.

It’s stress. I’m freaked out about my final projects for my classes and all of the big stuff coming up at work. I have a paper due today that I mostly wrote last night until I went to bed. Then around 5:30 when I realized there was no hope, I got up and worked on it some more. I was at the point that I often get with such assignments where I no longer care about the quality, I just want it out of my hands so that the wretched experience of working on it will be behind me. But I decided to glance at it before sending it off and I’m glad I did. There were some strings of words that I think were supposed to be sentences but trailed off into the ether. I had to call them back home and wrangle a period onto them.

Since I’m deliriously tired, I’m still not sure if the paper makes any sense. But I think I’m just done.

But! While I was up this morning, I installed a plugin that displays comments in threads, so you and I can reply to each other directly. Won’t that be fun?

Also fun: hallucinating. I love insomnia.

I have about 7 weeks left of this semester.

It might as well be 700 years.

In the fall I’m taking another core course and a seminar, so it’ll be about 1.5 classes. That will be very nice. I had planned on steaming through, taking two courses in spring 09 and two more in fall 09, but honestly I don’t think I can do it. I’m so unhappy. SO unhappy. There’s no point in pushing through this so quick if I don’t have enough time or energy to do quality work and I’m fucking up in all areas of my life.

I think I could probably handle doing one course in spring 09, doing this other required course in summer 09, one course in fall 09, and then one more in spring 10 (010?). So I’ll finish one whole semester later than I planned.

I WANT to finish as soon as possible, but I seriously don’t want to feel like this anymore. I oscillate between wanting to drink, cry, or throw myself off a bridge and sometimes all three. I only took one psychology class in college, but something tells me that’s not healthy.

Plus, the longer I take, the more time I have to figure out what I might possibly want to do with this degree…what I CAN do.

Ugh. Tell me funny stories, guys. I need some cheer.

Completely unrelated, I read the transcript of that speech that Obama gave yesterday. I was really glad that he spoke pretty bluntly about race and privilege and pretty much stated, “Guess what? Slavery fucked things up royally and the situation still hasn’t been rectified and continues to shape our economy and our society to this day,” because people need to hear that shit. But I felt uncomfortable that he kept driving home the point that his pastor was WRONG WRONG WRONG OMG HE’S SO STUPID. I wish he would have said, “I can disagree with my pastor because I have a mind of my own and surprise! You do too! And maybe we should stop making rules and laws based on what a very few religious dudes deem ‘right.’”

Yeah, so, last night’s post came after I had spent about 3.5 hours working on this webpage in Dreamweaver. When I first started this class, I was really digging learning some real HTML and thought to myself, “I could do this for a living and be some kind of writer/designer hybrid!”

Seven weeks later, everything has picked up speed considerably and I am seriously dog-paddling just to keep up. And now I’m a little despondent about my career options. Like, seriously, what CAN I do? Granted, this isn’t a class dedicated to web design and I’m sure if I really wanted to learn it I could find some better training.

And that actually gave me some comfort. See, during our lectures for this course, we learn about research methods and in the lab we learn HTML because the course is one big project: redesigning a website for a client. But since we don’t go over HTML in the lectures, it’s really like two separate classes (at least for now). So in reality I’m taking three classes this semester. Plus working full-time, plus freelance writing on the side, plus having a family.

It’s a bit much. And I don’t think it’s surprising that I’m overwhelmed and having a hard time.

And I don’t think the goal of the course is to become a web design expert in 12 weeks. At least I hope not. I just hope that my final redesign suggestions aren’t like, “How about a white background with some black 12 pt Times New Roman text and a vertical unordered list of links? No pics. It’ll be so minimal and such a throwback, everyone will be stunned by it’s brilliance!”

What? I can bullshit. Did I mention that the other class that I’m taking this semester is in marketing and PR? Next week we’re learning how to sell ribs to ladies in white gloves. Honest!

Of course, I toy with the idea of dropping a class, but at this point I’ve already done half of the work and I would need to take either class over again at some point. So I’m miserably resigned to sticking with both (or all three, however you look at it) and am just praying that I can still pull off some decent grades.

Luckily, my standards for decent grades are relatively low. I’m perfectly happy with Bs, though I will admit to becoming somewhat A-obsessed since being at this school, which is just chock full of people who just freak the fuck out at an A minus. Honestly, I don’t see how anyone with that mindset can enjoy life, but whatever.

What are you doing this weekend? Wanna hang aht?

I hate when schoolwork makes me cry and feel like the stupidest person on the face of the planet. I hate not understanding shit that I know comes very easily to a lot of people.

Since the wind chill was -7 last night, we busted out the super thick half of this insane comforter I bought at Ikea a couple of years ago. Normally we can get by just fine with the thin half, but since walking back to the car from Wal-Mart led to my experience of having my breath taken away by the frigid wind, thereby preventing me from shouting at the assmunch who had the audacity to honk at the frozen pedestrians from inside his heated car, we decided to bust out the big polyester guns.

I didn’t so much fall asleep as slipped into a coma. And, frankly, cocooned up in my bed is where I still am.

But I managed to take my folder of W2s, 1040s, and FAFSA forms to enrollment services, push it across the counter and say, “Here. Turn this into $2,000 please. I don’t know what I’m doing.” I’m attempting to not gnash my teeth through the tax-paying process of my graduate education and I’m thinking one of them thar fancy student loans will be just the ticket. Not that I’m terribly excited about adding some more debt to my pile, but it needs to happen.

Speaking of taxes, I need to file them shits so I can start stimulating the economy. It’s all up to me, apparently.

I also trekked to my mom’s office and hashed some things out with her. See, I told her that it would be better for us to wait to talk to each other until after I had had some time to calm down and she had a chance to speak to someone not in our deranged family (read: a pro). Lo and behold, our conversation was civil and productive. It did not end in my mom crying and me getting pissed at her, as every other serious conversation of ours has. See? I don’t know why people don’t listen to me all the time. I’M BRILLIANT.

1) Procure DVDs of The L Word. I left off early in season 3, right around the time Jenny started shooting people with a Taser. And I just saw a MAJOR spoiler in a friends’ LJ and I realize that I need to get up to speed.

2) Get belligerent at my TV screen during the Super Bowl.

3) parent, do laundry, get caught up on grad skool and whatever.