i can’t stand the rain…against my window

Wednesday, October 5th, 2011

My future, seasonally-depressed self is going to kick me in the face for saying this, but I’m really digging this chilly, rainy weather we’ve been having. I think because it’s the only time when it’s not only accepted to stay in your house under a pile of blankets and watching TV, but it’s actively encouraged.

I always get to a point with seasons where I’m ready for them to be over. When we have a few lingering warm or cold days at the end of a season, it angers me. Yesterday, which was kind of miserable, actually put me in a really good mood. It just felt like everything was in its place. I put a pot roast in the slow cooker in the morning. When we got home, the husband made some mashed potatoes. I donned sweatpants and an ugly sweater, then we gobbled down pot roast until we were sleepy. It was a perfect early autumn dinner.

Seeing that it’s going be creeping back up to 80 this week is making me really irritated. This is not how it’s supposed to be, understand? I have very specific visions of how life is supposed to go at this time of year and short sleeves don’t factor in them! Everything must be perfect! I will project my anxiety about my lack of control in my life onto things that no one controls! Brilliant!

Anyway. I decided to jump into the Bridge to 10k program. I had purchased the iPhone app months ago, but just wasn’t really sure when exactly I would do the runs. Each one takes at least an hour and it’s kind of tough for me to find an hour plus showering and dressing time during the day.

I headed to the gym during lunch yesterday and decided to just go ahead and do week 1 day 1, since it was relatively short and I wanted to get a feel for the program.

Everything was fine until shortly after the second running interval started. It was at that time that I realized that I needed to use the bathroom. Soon.

I struggled with deciding what to do, thinking perhaps I could hold it for a little while longer. In the meantime, I adopted new jogging methods that allowed me to cross my legs in some manner. I also made faces that communicated the storm of discomfort and panic that was raging in my brain.

Finally, I smacked the big red stop button and zoomed to the bathroom. I have to tell you that sitting on a toilet with sweaty legs is not the most…something. It’s just…not.

I debated for a minute about whether or not to return to the treadmill or just call it a day, but knowing that that week 1 day 1 portion of the app was unfinished was going to drive me crazy. So I went back.

4.35 miles in about 53 minutes, with a bathroom break in the middle and a few walking breaks as prescribed by the program. Ideally, I’d like to finish 10k in an hour. Though, really, I’d like to just finish. We’ll see where I am in six weeks.