don't read this
I'm bored and kind of tired. I'm going to fill out this old survey that none of you will read…because I told you not to. Bow to me.
last car ride: last night coming home from the movie theatre
last kiss: this morning as the boyfriend was leaving
last good cry: Probably when I failed my driving test. I don't know if I'd call it “good,” more like embarassingly hysterical and childlike
last library book: something about Communism that I got out of Hillman for the boyfriend's little sister.
last movie seen: The Italian Job
last book read: finished: Keeping Women and Children Last. current: Fast Food Nation.
last cuss word uttered: shit?
last beverage drank: Diet Vanilla Coke
last food consumed: a peanut chew. I was craving a little bit of candy. I still am, actually.
last crush: the boyfriend
last phone call: my mom at work.
last TV show watched: Cheaters.
last time showered: this morning.
last shoes worn: My New Balances that are starting to get a little ratty.
last cd played: Tricky – Maxinquaye
last item bought: postage stamps
last annoyance: the huge fly that snuck into the house while I was trying to get the stroller containing my sleeping son into the house.
last disappointment: not getting kissed last night.
last soda drank: Diet Vanilla Coke
last thing written: On the computer, a journal entry. On paper, some Father's Day cards.
last key used: delete
last word spoken: go
last sleep: 8 hours ago
last im: currently taking place with Kelly Downlow
last sexual fantasy: It was a few seconds ago..
last weird encounter: On the way to the post office I encountered a grown woman with a stroller full of baby dolls. She was dining al fresco at a restaurant on Liberty Ave. I passed her twice and as far as I could tell she did not have a child with her. She just had a stroller of baby dolls.
last ice cream eaten: Probably a Healthy Choice fudge bar.
last time amused: The baby babbling about “Dada” and stuff at the post office this afternoon
last time wanting to die: Friday night/Saturday morning…bad head cold and pseudoephedrine high.
last time in love: currently in love.
last time hugged: last night.
last time scolded: yesterday by my mother for putting a half empty can of Pediasure in the fridge and forgetting about it.
last time resentful: while walking to the post office this afternoon…thinking about people in general.
last chair sat in: this one, the Darth Vader chair.
last lipstick used: Saturday night for the post-gay show. It was a bad idea, though. My lips are dryer and more chapped than usual since I've only been able to breathe through my mouth over the past few days. it looked like shite.
last underwear worn: these ones. they're blue.
last shirt worn: this one. my mom bought it for me in New Orleans.
last time dancing: Friday night at Flux with my son. The hipsters were amused.
last poster looked at: hmmm, probably something in a store window during my walk.
last show attended: does the music that I was ignoring at Flux count?
last webpage visited: Paco's blog. He doesn't update nearly enough.
1 MINUTE AGO: typed “does the music that I was ignoring at Flux count?”
1 HOUR AGO: I was sitting here wolfing down some lunch.
1 DAY AGO: doing laundry, watching “Four Weddings and a Funeral”
1 WEEK AGO: freaking out about job search.
1 YEAR AGO: moving to Oakmonth and getting really depressed about it.
I HURT: in my back, a little bit.
I LOVE: the boyfriend, the baby, my family, most of my friends ;-p
I HATE: the way I beat myself up and convince myself that I'm a failure.
I FEAR: a few irrational things, a few practical things, my son being hurt.
I HOPE: that I am a good mother, that things will work out the way that we're hoping.
I FEEL: a little tired, a tiny bit sick
I HIDE: behind trees
I DRIVE: everyone crazy.
I MISS: today I was missing that feeling that I used to get at the beginning of the summer. You know, when you were a teenager and the summer seemed so full of possibilities for romance or nights sitting out and having great conversations. I still have it but not to that extent.
I LEARNED: there isn't a day that goes by that I don't learn *something*.
I NEED: a job, to get over my insecurities.
I KNOW: not much
-current clothes: purple bowling shirt, blue jeans, tube socks, underwear…you know, the usual.
-current mood: tired, full.
-current music: nothing
-current taste: mix of a Healthy Choice meal, some candy and some Diet Vanilla Coke.
-current hair: retarded little ponytail, big chunk hanging out on the left, red, sweaty.
-current annoyance: by birth control pills.
-current smell: I'm still a little stuffed up. Can't smell too much.
-current thing I should be doing: napping or looking for a job.
-current desktop picture: Akil as a little kid.
-current refreshment: nothing
-current worry: life shit
—Body—
-1. What do you most like about your body?: I don't have just one part. Thinking about it, I really like looking at it everyday and recognizing how it's changed and what it's done. I can't believe that this body grew a baby, was stretched to the limit, was cut open, healed, and produced enough milk to nourish my son for over a year. I think that's so awesome.
-2. And least?: I don't really obsess over my body in this manner. For practical reasons, the size of my breasts bothers me from time to time. They bother my upper back and shoulders sometimes.
-3. How many fillings do you have?: 4? I don't really know.
-4. Do you think you're good looking?: sure.
-5. Do other people often tell you that you're good looking? every once in awhile, yeah.
-6. Do you look like any celebrities?: I've heard that I look like Tilda Swinton but I don't really see it. Other than that I don't think so.
