kdiddy.org

I was kind of disappointed that I didn't get a chance to make a proper entry yesterday since I had some funny stories to tell. But the whole neck thing was making computer use a little difficult. Also, between my two-year-old son and 49-year-old mother, someone is constantly at my heels yipping about something. Right now, however, my son is napping (for the first time in about a week and a half) and my mom is distracting herself with something in the kitchen. The boyfriend, who I think I've seen all of five minutes since Sunday evening, is at work. I'm going to try to squeeze in an entry before my mom comes up here and tries to make me do something arbitrary since she hates to see me relaxed.\
Sunday afternoon, we went out to my grandparents' house to visit with some of our cousins. Thomasina and Eric, who are my second cousins, have six kids. All boys. Ages 1-10. Yeah. Great parents, great children but I look at them sometimes and think, “What the FUCK?” They have a set of twins, Jared and Cullen, who are 9. Cullen is very inquisitive and when I say “inquisitive” I mean “nosy”. He really likes to ask questions that, at his age, are pretty cute, but if were anyone over the age of, say, 13, it would be very, very rude. A few summers ago, we were all basking in the lake at Conneaut. I had recently announced to my extended family that I had a bun in the oven. Cullen, at that point already entirely steeped in Catholic education, was confused, since he knew that the boyfriend and I were not married. He looked at me and asked, “How can you have a baby if you're not married?” I blushed and told him to ask his parents. He and his twin brother were also constantly amazed at how someone of my advanced age would still be in school. Granted, I started college late and it took me an extra year due to my royal fuck-up in College Algebra and that whole baby thing and, at times, it did seem as though I had been in college for decades, but still…\
Every time I saw Cullen, he would ask me, “Are you still in school?” Now that I've finally graduated college he has focused all of his energy on my marriage, or lack thereof. I'm guessing that he just really wants to be in a wedding or an excuse to wear a tuxedo and dance to ABBA at a reception while all of the grownups are acting stupid. His only immediate hope for a wedding is me. It's amazing that, of all the traditional people in my family, the most marriage pressure I'm getting is from my 9-year-old cousin. Anyway, within five minutes of walking in the door, Cullen looked at me and said, “Did you and the boyfriend get married yet?” apparently terrified that we would go and get married on the sly and use some other little boy for ringbearer or whatever short boys do in weddings. I told him no, but that he would be the first to know.* The boyfriend told him “by the time you're 18,” (ooh! looks like we have a date! ;-p) and that seemed to quell his fears.\
Later on in the afternoon, as the baby and I were playing, Cullen looked at me with his eyebrows furrowed and asked, “Did you breastfeed the baby?” I was a little stunned, but stammered, “Um, yes.” He nodded and said that that was “good.” I was happy to have his approval…I guess.\
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Yesterday, not too much was accomplished, and the neck pain had me in a pretty foul mood for most of the day. I did manage to drag myself down to CMU to fill out my citizenship form and W-4 (ugh). I did receive a visit from and which was nice. I felt that I wasn't at my witties, however, and was slightly relieved when they left. Not because I don't like them (I lurve them gals), I just didn't feel like I was being very entertaining. ;-p\
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Today I had a few errands to run, namely exchanging some bras that my mother gave me for Christmas. She underestimated my cuppage and overestimated by bandwidth(?). In any case, my tits looks very nice now. The cashier tried to convince me to buy the accompanying “panties” which were of the itsy-bitsy thong variety. I don't think I did a good job of hiding my horror. Nothing against you thong-enthusiasts, but I just don't get it. Grocery shopping was also needed. After the lingerie exchange, I dashed into Bruegger's to grab some lunch for me, my mom and the baby. I got some of that Oregon Chai stuff, which was tasty while it was warm but by the time we got to Giant Eagle it had cooled off considerably and was no longer drinkable in my opinion. However, Giant Eagle doesn't seem to provide garbage cans for its customers, so I walked through that entire store with a cup of cold chai.\
At the beginning of our shopping excursion, I had dropped off my prescription for baby repellant. While my mom headed for the checkout aisle, I sauntered over to the pharmacy with the baby, thinking he needed to stretch his legs after being trapped in the shopping cart's basket for at least an hour. When we got to the pharmacy we were greeted with a line that rivalled the bread lines of yesteryear. I was shocked, but filed into place next to a cosmetics display. As we waited, the baby became restless. An elderly woman in front of us tried to talk to him but he got shy and requested that I pick him up. Still holding the cold chai, I set it down on the cosmetics display for a second so that I could scoop him up. Wouldn't you know that a rather portly elderly man tried to squeeze past to get into the drug line and knocked the chai off of the display. He, being a gentleman, exclaimed, “What in the hell was that?” I was embarrassed and didn't admit to the beverage being mine, but did grab the cup and put it back on the display. There was, however, a few small puddles of chai on the floor, and I did not know what to do about them. I didn't have any tissues or anything on me and if I left to go alert the staff to the spill I'd lose my place in line. So I just turned around and continued waiting. Then, of course, droves of elderly people with very brittle-looking hips and feeble tickers started heading for the drug line and I watched them walk past the spill and managed to avoid it. I was sure one of them was going to fall but they didn't.\
That disaster averted and baby repellant in hand, we left. I wanted to stop in a bookstore but I figured that the baby had had enough. Hopefully, the boyfriend will be able to take me to run some errands this week before I START MY NEW JOB ON MONDAY! EEEKKK!\
I'm starting to get kind of nervous now and I'm already missing the baby a little bit. The other night I had a nightmare that I was at my first day and my boss said, “Of course, you will be responsible for the laundry of the entire English Department.” *shudder*\
I'm going to go see what I can rustle up for dinner.\
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*Funnily enough, I was 9 when his parents were married and was dying to be a flower girl. When Thomasina actually called me with the formal offer, I was speechless.

We may have a tie for best entry ever on Live Journal.\
http://www.livejournal.com/users/screaming_rose/153722.html

http://www.livejournal.com/users/spoonfeeding/53263.html\
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That entry right there ^, gets my vote for the best entry on all of Live Journal for 2003. I, a writer, am humbled.\
I don't have any specific reasons for why I like it so much, I just dig it in an extreme manner.

neck spasm this morning. can't move. much pain.

My mom just handed me a card that had been sent to my dad's house. It's from one of my old ballet friends who I haven't seen or spoken with in years. I'm so excited that she's getting in touch with me. She doesn't know that I've had a baby and all, so this should be fun.\
Reconnecting owns.\
The beer is just so filling.\
*burp*\
Why am I awake?

I'm drinking that goofy dark beer that the boyfriend's mom gave us and listening to the Violent Femmes and feeling very hyper. Like I'm going to start doing all of the different hardcore dances from that Sick of it All video. Picking up dimes and skanking and whatnot.\
The boyfriend is still playing Tony Hawk and the baby went to bed early. I'm kind of bored and hopped up on Sour Patch Kids.\
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After many years of begging and pleading and waving away dismissals and disbelief, my mom gave me a buttonmaker. The great thing about this model is that it is geared toward 8-year-old girls. So, reading the directions and design suggestions I find myself thinking, “Oh! I could make buttons for my student council campaign! Or just an 'I Love New Kids on the Block!' button!” So far I've only made one button and it was for the boyfriend. It says simply, “FUCK AKIL” in honor of one of our friends who we kinda hate. Actually, it's appropriate since Akil spraypainted “FUCK THE BOYFRIEND” (but used the boyfriend's actual name) on the sides of several buildings in the upscale neighborhood of Shadyside. It looks hot. I am finally punk rock, even if my buttonmaker looks like something Hello Kitty shit out.\
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Cabbages. Knickers.\
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From left, me, , and our old roommate Jess at a rave (shut the fuck up) in Cleveland circa 2000. At that particular point in life, we were very, very insane. I made those shirts. I define crafty.

I'm letting the baby watch some teevee right now. He's still fighting off that cough and cold, he won't take a nap, and if I don't let him dose on some idiot box then he'll just run around until he's coughing and hacking his head off.\
So, yeah, we're just sitting here being some slobs. What the hell, it's vacation, right?\
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My grandparents gave him a Kinderzeat for Christmas and so far it's working out very nicely. The chair looks a little odd, but I think the babe prefers it to his old booster seat, and I suspect it will be much easier to clean. They are expensive, but I would recommend one.\
As an aside, this contraption looks pretty silly, but I kind of wish they would have had something like that when I was doing a lot of pumping. That way I could have at least read a book or something. Pumping can get kind of boring.\
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Anyway, I think my mom and I are trying to get moving on remodelling the bathroom. It's in pretty poor shape and there just wasn't any money to do anything with it when we moved in. I took the following pictures because I was going to enter us into an ugly bathroom contest. The prize was a $15,000 bathroom makeover. However, the website's entry form was all fucked and it was too late to do a regular paper entry. But yeah, you need to take a peek at this monstrosity.\
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That's just a general view of the ugliness.\
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Aren't those brown and orange flowers just a lovely touch to the decor?\
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The tile floor, which was probably very nice at one point but is now cracked and caked with duct tape glue.\
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The ceiling, which is being held up with packing tape. This also gives you a nice detailed view of the wallpaper.\
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I don't seem to have a picture of plumbing contraption on the tub, but trust me…it's bizarre.\
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Must do laundry.

I'm wearing new pajamas. My aunt gave them to me for Christmas and they're nice flannel separates with this goofy print on them. It says “Glamour” all over them and has these drawings of 50s-looking women. However, I think I should have washed them before putting them on. *itches*\
We went out to Brookline once again tonight to visit with the boyfriend's father. It was a pretty nice visit. We chatted, played with the baby, ate pizza (every once in awhile I rediscover my total love for pizza), and discussed stuff. I discovered that I have two new pimples.\
Today wasn't very productive other than that. The baby and I busted out his new tracks and stuff for the Brio train set and made a massive track that covered almost the entire living room floor. It was pretty impressive. The carpeting has a tendency to fuck things up, though.\
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The boyfriend is playing Tony Hawk and I'm about ready to throw the PS2 out the window. All I hear is the fucking soundtrack (which sucks this time around), the clickety-clack of the controller, and the boyfriend going, “FUUUCCCCKKKKKK! WHAT THE FUCK! Dude, this game is so cheating…what do I have to do?…why is it doing that?…what the fuck?…okay, let's see…” Understand that he's not saying any of these to me, he's just talking to himself.\
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On a completely unrelated note, I want to share with those of you who might care the playlist from the anthology mix CDs that I made for .\
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CD 1\
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“If I Should Fall from Grace with God” – The Pogues\
“Lovely Day” – Bill Whithers\
“You Are the Sunshine of My Life” – Stevie Wonder\
“Ghost Trains” – Erlend Oye\
“Kiss Off” – Violent Femmes\
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“Dy-Na-Mi-Tee” – Ms. Dynamite\
“I Am the Black Gold of the Sun” – Nuyorican Soul\
“New Day” – Andy Caine\
“Shrimp” – Mr. Scruff\
Steven Wright quote from Reservoir Dogs\
“Is It All Over My Face” – Loose Joints\
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“Funky Kingston” – Toots & the Maytals\
“Superstition” – Stevie Wonder\
“The Harder They Come” – Jimmy Cliff\
“Plastiphilia” – Dopplereffekt\
“P.Y.T.” – Michael Jackson\
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“Denki No Zuno” – Dopplereffekt\
“Ug” – Mr. Scruff\
“Use Me” – Bill Whithers\
“Shades of Jae” – Moodyman\
“I Like Your Mom” – The Bouncing Souls\
“The Bomb” – Bucketheads\
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CD 2\
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“No No No” – Dawn Penn\
“Kiss You Back” – Digital Underground\
“Cars” – Gary Numan\
“Damn, It Feels Good to Be a Gangsta” – The Geto Boys\
“I'm Left, You're Right, She's Gone” – Giorgio Moroder\
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“Believe (MJ Cole mix)” – Goldie\
“California Soul” – Marlene Shaw\
“I Chase the Devil” – Max Romeo & the Upsetters\
“I Against I” – Mos Def and Massive Attack\
Quote from Spaceballs\
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“Heads High” – Mr. Vegas\
“Funky Worm” – Ohio Players\
The Tetris Theme – Ozma\
“UFO” – Photek\
“The Shadow” – Rob and Goldie\
“Crazy” – Seal\
“Strawberry Letter 23” – Shuggie Otis\
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CD 3\
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“Super Sharpshooter” – The Ganja Kru\
quote form The Three Amigos\
“All I Want” – Toad the Wet Sprocket\
“Rumpshaker” – Wrecks N Effects\
“Angel” – Massive Attack\
“Rainy Days and Nights” – Shawn Rudiman\
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“On & On” – Erykah Badu\
“Lifetime” – Maxwell\
“Teardrop” – Massive Attack\
“I'd Rather Be With You” – Bootsy Collins\
“Into the Mystic” – Van Morrison\
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“The Way” – Jill Scott\
“This Woman's Work” – Maxwell\
“Many Rivers to Cross” – Jimmy Cliff\
“Hello My Baby” – Ladysmith Black Mambazo\
“Fortunate” – Maxwell\
“Llorando” – from the Mulholland Drive Soundtrack\
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“Already One” – Neil Young\
“Sleepwalk” – Santo and Johnny (this didn't make it onto the anthology…just didn't have the room)\
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If anyone wants me to whip up one of these monsters for your personal listening pleasure, just let me know.

1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?\
Graduated from college, took my driving test (twice), failed my driving test (twice), managed to enjoy myself and my life as it is (sometimes). Published large(ish) articles in Pulp and in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. Became a staff member of one of the coolest online \
art zines( http://www.wintermittens.com ). Took that emergency contraception stuff for a drive. Kept a regular journal after vowing to do so for…well, my whole life.\
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2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?\
On January 20th, I made an entry outlining what were basically my resolutions. They were:\
Get a job, get my driver's license, lose weight, get a haircut, work on getting day care for the baby, organize my crap. Well, as of December 22, I am a CMU employee. I have made two valiant attempts at getting my driver's license, which is a big step for me since my fear of tests is one of the main reasons I didn't just get it when I was 16. Since February of this year, I have lost somewhere around 25 pounds, which feels great. I've had my hairs cut twice this year (wow, what a tough resolution). The day care thing has been pretty much dependent \
on whether or not I would be looking at regular employment, and as of right now I'm not positive what our child care needs will be. Organizing my crap happens in slow increments, but overall I really haven't worked toward that one too much. So, the driver's license, the child care, and the organization will carry over into next year. I also plan to resolve to work much harder on my writing and to not let my fear of rejection prevent me from trying.\
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3. Did anyone close to you give birth?\
Some LJ people, namely , had babies but nobody that I personally know.\
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4. Did anyone close to you die?\
We weren't extremely close, but my cousin's husband died suddenly at the young age of 49. His death was such a shock and a true loss for our family. He was a very nice and funny man and I have many great memories of him. He lived a hard life and I can only hoped that he died peacefully and satisfied with his short time on the planet.\
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5. What countries did you visit?\
None. Wah.\
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6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?\
Articles in national publications (ie, magazines). A therapy session with my mom.\
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7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?\
February 14. The boyfriend and I had a fabulous Valentine's Day. Typically, it ended in arguments and threats to break up but all of the stuff leading up to that was lovely. ;-p\
Also, February 15. The baby weaned himself from breastfeeding. Kind of trivial, I know, but I really enjoyed nursing him. /mushy mom moment\
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8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?\
The articles that I had published, my new job, and, of course, my little family continues to thrive and be awesome.\
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9. What was your biggest failure?\
Doubting myself.\
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10. Did you suffer illness or injury?\
No injuries, but on New Year's Eve the boyfriend and I had the puking-and-pooping virus, which was a shitty (no pun intended) way to start off the year. Other than that, it's been pretty healthy.\
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11. What was the best thing you bought?\
My laptop, birth control, food.\
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12. Whose behavior merited celebration?\
The U.N., France, and anyone else who told The Shrub to take his war and stick it. J'accuse! The baby, just for being awesome; the boyfriend for being an excellent father and partner; my mom, for being the rock on which I build my life (I know I bitch about her antics a lot, but I'd be lost without her).\
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13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?\
The Shrub; some of my friends; humans in general.\
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14. Where did most of your money go?\
Credit card bills, my new laptop (which still makes me drool and I still haven't found a better price for it anywhere! yes!), birth control, food.\
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15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?\
Every single time my words appeared in print; my new job; every little thing that my son did.\
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16. What song will always remind you of 2003?\
Nature Boy. I just started singing it to the baby one day and he fell in love with it. He's able to sing most of the song by himself.\
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17. Compared to this time last year, are you\
i. happier or sadder?: happier.\
ii. thinner or fatter? much thinner.\
iii. richer or poorer? richer, I suppose, since I have some income, but still quite poor.\
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18. What do you wish you'd done more of?\
Writing. I can always write more than I do. \
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19. What do you wish you'd done less of?\
Arguing with my mom.\
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20. How will you be spending/did you spend Christmas?\
Running hither and thither to various relatives' house so that they can ogle my son.\
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22. Did you fall in love in 2003?\
Of course. I fall in love with the boyfriend and the baby every day. gush gush gush\
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24. What was your favorite TV program?\
Six Feet Under. I'm pretty sure that I cried once every episode this season. But that probably has something to do with the fact that I'm a big puss. Also, Carnivale. I'm just completely fascinated with that show.\
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25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?\
I don't truly hate anyone, I don't have that in me. I am on the outs with a few people but I maintain hope that we'll find our way back to each other.\
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26. What was the best book you read?\
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Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser.\
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27. What was your greatest musical discovery?\
It was a re-discovery, but Michael Jackson's Thriller and Off the Wall albums are two of the greatest albums ever produced.\
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28. What did you want and get?\
A good job, my writing published, time with my little family\
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29. What did you want and not get?\
My driver's license, photo albums (I'm in dire need).\
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30. What was your favorite film of this year?\
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Lost in Translation. I've been thinking about it since I saw it.\
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31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?\
I had my friends and family over for dinner and cake, got a little tipsy, passed out candy to trick-or-treaters, and had to keep changing outfits because I was dressed too warmly. Later, the boyfriend and I went to the Projekthaus for Sauce. I turned 25.\
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32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?\
Up until a few days ago it would have been finding a job, but now that I have one I'd have to say getting my driver's license. That whole situation is just so frustrating to me. Fuck driving.\
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33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?\
Ha! Um, probably “bottom of the barrel” or “any port in a storm.” I wore whatever would cover me and would fit somewhat properly. What with my weight loss and my lack of money, clothing was pretty much for the sole purpose of covering my body this year.\
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34. What kept you sane?\
My son. Any time I felt like being completely self-involved and flipping out, I knew that I had to keep it together for him.\
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35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?\
I don't know. I watched a lot of Oprah this year…\
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36. What political issue stirred you the most?\
The war and the realization that we, the people, mean nothing to them, the powers that be.\
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37. Who did you miss?\
Stacey. I don't see or talk to her enough.\
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38. Who was the best new person you met?\
I had met her before, but this year was the first time that I really got to know . She's a great person and I'm so glad to know her.\
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39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003:\
Remain calm and try not to let your emotions rule your every action (my emotions can be kind of…um…rash).\
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40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:\
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“The greatest thing\
You'll ever learn\
Is just to love\
And be loved in return.”

I'm finally home. Thank dog. The baby is in bed and I have the house to myself for a little bit. The boyfriend drove my cousin home because I guess she overindulged in the alcoholic beverages at my grandmother's house. My mom left a little bit ago to go pick him up. They're not back yet so I'm assuming they stopped into my cousin's house to bullshit.\
This was a very fine Christmas. The baby got a ton of cool stuff to add to the ton of cool stuff that he got for his birthday three weeks ago. I got many cool things…although all of them are slipping my mind at the moment. I suppose I should mention that gave the boyfriend, the baby, and me the tshirts that she silkscreened herself. They say “trite (trIt): not fresh or original”\
The witty part is that she gave them to a bunch of her friends, too. So there are going to be a bunch of dorks running around Pittsburgh with these tshirts on. Watch for us.\
Last night we went out to Brookline to spend Christmas Eve with the boyfriend's family. I guess they started doing this when I wormed my way into the family, but I think it works out nicely. The boyfriend's aunt and uncle were over…smoking in the house. Grr. But, as usual, I wasn't trying to start drama so I kept my mouth shut. We only see them like twice a year. I know that's no excuse but whatever, it's not the issue at hand. The boyfriend's grandmother, Nunnie, made ravioli for a dinner but the boyfriend, my dad and I had gone to Tram's for lunch and were still stuffed. We opened presents and the baby got lots of cool stuff, including plenty of tracks and engines for his Brio train set. The boyfriend and the baby actually got into a small fight over who was going to play with it and how, while I sat rolling my eyes and wondering, “Who's the toddler in this situation?” The baby was tired and not feeling so great so several meltdowns occurred, but overall it was a nice evening.\
When we got home I put the baby to bed and snuggled into bed to watch one of our new movies. The boyfriend's mother, in what appears to be a new Christmas tradition since it's the second year that she's done this, gave us a case of beer. It's a sampler of all of these imported dark beers that sound really yummy. My plan was to eat candy and drink a bottle of this stuff called Young's Winter Warmer, however, the thought of that beer sitting in my stomach all night made me feel immediately sluggish so I decided to abstain. The boyfriend, however, plowed ahead. Halfway through the movie, and about 3/4 of the way through the beer, he stood up to get under the covers. He sat back down, laughed, looked at me with crooked eyes and said, “Wooo, I think that beer went to the dome.” I fell asleep soon after while he stayed up tipsily playing Tony Hawk's Underground, which his mom gave him (I should really send her a thank you note for that, because I will be thoroughly ignored for the next few months. argh).\
We woke up pretty early this morning and got right to opening presents. Then we slowly started to get ready to go to my grandmother's. Now, I am at a weird size right now and don't have many clothes that fit…certainly nothing festive or Christmasy (sadly, my collection of fugly applique sweaters are too large. weep.). I decided to go for comfort and just threw on a black sweater and jeans. My mom insisted that I at least put on some black slacks, but that the sweater was fine. I did so, and she said, “You're dressed in all black! You look like you're going to a funeral!” Then she started picking apart the boyfriend's outfit and sent him upstairs to shave. I put a pair of red earrings on and yelled, “Christmas will still happen no matter what we're wearing!” I must admit, I looked painfully postmodern showing up for Christmas dinner in all black.\
We finally left and headed for my grandparents' where much excellent food and drink was consumed. More presents, you know the deal.\
After a few hours we headed out to Penn Hills to visit the boyfriend's aunt/cousin/person (the relation was never made clear to me) and participated in another holiday tradition: getting lost on the way there. More food, a present for the baby, and some more beverage.\
I must say that I am full to the point of bursting but am still eyeing a bag of candy that is sitting across from me.\
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All in all, with everyone in generally good health, a new, highly awaited job coming up, my gorgeous son being so awesome, and having plenty of good conversation today, this has been an excellent Christmas.