give it way a while and let it waste
Sometimes, when I’m sad like I’ve been, my sadness becomes more of me than I am. Like in Ghost when Whoopi Goldberg’s character lets spirits use her body. Sadness, with its bad posture and shitty clothes, jumps in and sometimes it’s like it gets really drunk and decides to go for a drive. (Note: I am not actually drinking away my sadness.) While it’s driving, it veers off to some unpaved road called Rage. Sadness gets tired of sleeping and sitting around and trying to think positively and goes completely batshit with rage.
I get so angry and every stupid or uncaring thing that people do, to me or to anyone, just makes me angrier. Hearing about people going insane and taking it upon themselves to go on shooting sprees doesn’t make me sad, it just makes me angry.
“We’re all miserable in some way, you prick. Let us decide how we might want to wreak destruction on ourselves,” I think.
I’m sorry to be such a downer on an otherwise beautiful Friday afternoon. But that’s what’s going on in my head.
Does your sadness ever veer off into rage?
November 6th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
Sometimes… and sometimes I wish it would. It’s easier to get out of bed when raging than when you’re just crying.
November 6th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
yes. i think we should all be angry about the shootings.
November 6th, 2009 at 8:17 pm
Absolutely.
I usually go through the cycle of feeling lonely, then sad, then finally angry. But once I get to the angry point I have a much better grasp of what’s going on and I can cope.
Hang in there.
November 6th, 2009 at 9:45 pm
Remember when that shooting happened, with the little Amish girls? Yeah.
I had to go into therapy. (Admittedly, was dealing with other things — it wasn’t the sole source of my anger/sadness — but it lit an already existing fuse or something.)
November 7th, 2009 at 12:34 am
Yes, I totally agree with being pissed off.
I work at a daycare in the toddler room and after being kind and loving and the most patient person in the world from 8 to 5, I find myself driving home with a serious case of road rage. No, I don’t act on it and pull out an uzi to the driver who didn’t pull up far enough to trip the turn signal (seriously, why not pull up to the line??) I don’t even have the balls to flip anyone the bird, but for that 8 minute commute home, (a LOT of assholes are on the road for 8 minutes!) I am one pissed off woman driver.
And this shooting spree? I don’t understand it. Makes me sick, too.
And also:
“Orlando, you don’t like it? It’s autumn sunrise.”
November 9th, 2009 at 10:53 am
I made a post years ago on livejournal asking the question, is it easier to deal with intense sadness or intense rage? Of course there’s no /good/ answer to that question, no. At the time I was dealing with rage that made me feel like all the sadnesses I’d felt paled in comparison.
But yeah. I definitely have that.
November 9th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
I never used to get sad, I got ANGRY. ANNNNNNGRY. Finally realized that I learned this from my Dad (“From you, alright? I learned it from watching you!”); happy to report I’m better at controlling it; sad to report my father still does it.