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We finally got to see There Will Be Blood. I really liked it, the husband isn’t sure how he feels about it. When we got home, the mother-in-law informed us that the baby had spent the evening barfing.

He’s doing…okay now. He had a “bazooka” episode not that long ago. You know. Coming out both ends? Unpleasant. During that unhappy time he said, “I hate being sick.”

I feel so bad for him because that is the worst sickness. I feel really guilty that I was out while he got sick.

And I’m feeling much dread that I could be next.

I’m really not a fan of barfing.

If so, they’ll be sitting in a pile in front of my house if my son does not PICK UP ALL OF HIS CRAP.

Somehow, he managed to cover the floor of the living and dining room in toys between last night and this morning. I am really going to throw all of this shit away. Then I’m sending him to live in a monastery where he can learn the value of simplicity and make me some creamed honey.

Here’s an indisputable sign that you’re not totally ready to go back to work after vacation: you instinctively start to pack some beers with your lunch.

Grunt. See, we had settled into the habit of beginning to drink around 2 p.m. at the latest so, naturally, I thought to myself, “I’ll still be at work at 2,” and reached for the beers before realizing, “That’s not appropriate, dipshit.”

Indeed, the glare of real life is pretty harsh. I did manage to get out of bed at 6:30 this morning. Not because I was excited to get back to the 9 to 5, but because I realized about 30 seconds before falling asleep last night that I wasn’t sure if I had anything to pack for the baby’s lunch. I braced myself for an early morning run to the convenience store (for microwave burritos and Gatorade I guess? maybe some Copenhagen?) but lucky for me there were two slices of bread that were about five minutes away from being stale, so I lovingly slapped some peanut butter on one of them. The baby has placed himself on a strict diet of peanut butter, bread, air, and chaos. It seems to be doing wonders since he’s about six inches around. I should market this new fad, no?

I put a load of laundry in the washer and then got back into bed because it was REALLY exhausting. My cat jumped up and joined me, gave me a little back massage, then flopped down in front of me so I could scratch him in the way that makes him lick his chest and shoulders and arms and my bra a little bit.

And that’s about all I’ve accomplished so far. Being on vacation is glorious.

So we actually ventured to the mall yesterday. It wasn’t TOO insane. But I find that when our little crew finds ourself in an environment like that, our only thought is to make it out. Survival instincts kick in and the goal of finding gifts for loved ones seems to vanish. At one point we were just walking briskly through the crowd, passing all of the stores. When we got to the end of the mall, we all exhaled like, “Thank god we made it through,” and then we had to just go back into the thick of it when we realized that we were empty handed.

That wasn’t as bad as when I went to Macy’s downtown with my mom on Saturday. The combined experience of downtown Pittsburgh in 2007 and the weekend before Christmas was a bit much for me. Everyone was either dazed or miserable. My mom kept asking me if I needed to go buy anything. I did, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. It was just icky and depressing. But the baby went into the little shop that they have set up so that kids can buy stuff for their family members and went to see Santa again. Santa asked the baby if he had been good and done his chores, specifically stuff like brushing his teeth and whatnot. He asked him if he picked up his toys when he is asked to and the baby glanced at me and the smirk I had on my face and said, “Uh, you don’t want to ask about that.” Smartass.

Anyway, the baby and I need to get started on making some cookies for Santa. Then I’ll probably have to scratch the cat some more. I’m booked solid, peeps.

Our office had our holiday lunch today and we were sitting kind of close to the kitchen. So now I have that restaurant kitchen smell all about me. I hate that smell. It instantly takes me back to my old waitressing jobs, leaving my shift exhausted and smelling like grease and fish and dishwater.

Ick.

Lunch ate up a good two hours so I’ve been busy all day. However, I did get my grades for the semester: an A- and a B+. I am very happy…mostly because I am DONE and I don’t have to stress about this semester ever again.

I am going to attempt to make up for the crappiness of this semester by doing at least one fun thing with the baby, his choice, during my break. I blew up at him on Sunday during the dinner and I’ve felt really awful about it ever since. He was being rude and obnoxious and I couldn’t take it anymore. I was still so worn out from everything and I just wanted him to settle down. Also, immediately after my outburst, I took a big sip from my glass of wine. I suddenly realized, “Hey. I’m trashy! Go to the store and get me some cigarettes, kid!”

I know that us being so stressed out over the semester affected him and I feel really bad about that. I wish that everything could be calmer, but if we can just make it through this rough time, we’ll come out much better. I hope.

A side effect of the semester has been a total lack of interest in anything to do with xmas. I sent out cards yesterday and baked. Last night we got our tree. But that’s it. I haven’t done any shopping and to be truthful, I’m really turned off by the thought of giving or receiving anything this year. I just don’t want to do it. I just haven’t been able to throw myself into xmas like I have in the past and even then I never got way into it. My mom and mother-in-law and the grandmas keep pestering me for gift ideas for the baby and I keep snottily telling them to forget it. I don’t know what I’m giving him, so I’m not going to just give away any ideas. Plus, the thought of my kid receiving yet another ton of toys next week makes me kind of sad.

Any therapists in the crowd?

Cause I have much baked goods in my house at the moment.

Starting at the bottom of the pic, those round foil pans of delicious are cinnamon rolls that I made for my co-workers (you also wish you worked with me). The lumpy things in the muffin pan are Pear and Granola Muffins. The cookies on the plate next to the muffins are Peanut Butter and Chocolate Chip Cookies. And the cookies at the end of the table are Lemon Basil Cookies.

Full disclosure: I am not totally responsible for all of this. Mary came over last night and helped me bake and that kinda looked like Mary being a whirling dervish in the kitchen and me in the dining room agonizing over just how much flour I should sprinkle my work surface with. Mary bakes much more often than I do so she was much more at ease cracking eggs and creaming butter and whatnot. And to be fair, I was working with YEAST. And yeast is alive. And I don’t take working on living things lightly. So, yeah, our final tally was Mary: Lemon Basil cookies, Peanut Butter and Chocolate Chip cookies, Pear and Granola muffins; Kelly: Cinnamon Rolls.

Also, I won’t tell you how much butter we used. Just trust me that it was obscene.

The baby was helping, clad in his chef hat. I should have taken pictures but I was busy staring intently at the yeast. Then he fell off of his stool that he was standing on. Sigh. He changed into some sweatpants and retired to the couch for the evening, where he and the husband watched Shaolin Soccer. I really thought he would just pass out there, but was surprised to find him still awake at 10:00. Awesome.

The biggest surprise of this batch were the Lemon Basil cookies. I got the recipe for those from my friend Sheryl after she mentioned them on her blog the other day. Oh my god. They’re so good. We used dried basil but I imagine they would taste even yummier with the fresh stuff. We also used golden raisins in place of currants, but I think the raisins were a little too sweet. I would really like to try them with some dried cranberries.

What’s that? You want to see more cookie pr0n? Well, I’m happy to oblige… (more…)

There was some tepid controversy over the atheistic undertones of The Golden Compass. I am here to tell you that those concerns were unfounded. My son has not seen the movie nor read the book and was just heard singing, to the tune of “If You’re Happy and You Know It,”

“Skinny people don’t believe in god *clap clap*
Skinny people don’t believe in god *clap clap*
But old people do, so I guess skinny people should, too
God god god blahblahblahblah…”

I’m not real sure where he came up with that, but I know Nicole Kidman had nothing to do with it.

My point is, there can be more movies promoting atheism.

In other news, every fucking person in this house is in a pissy mood. Someone save me.

I really wish the Steelers would stop acting like such tools against the Patriots. And I am purposely not watching any post-game crap because Tom Brady incites such rage in me, the likes of which I only feel when I hear someone from the Bush administration speak…or whenever I’m faced with someone who is clearly proof that humanity is doomed because the douchebags are out-populating the non-douchebags. Seriously, Bridget Moynahan…how could you?

Other than that, not a terrible Sunday. Interviewing a band for AP at 9:30 and had a brain spasm when the publicist requested 6:30 Pacific time which raised all kinds of questions in my head (“That’s our time minus 3 hours, right? Wait…what?”). If people start using military time, I’m screwed.

My other moment of brilliance today came in the shower when I was washing my face. Apparently I blew a bubble with the soap in my nose, which popped inside my mouth when I inhaled, and I choked and gagged and hacked. It was great. Then the baby came in and sat on the toilet and whined about how long I was taking. Thanks, jerk.

The baby and I attempted a game of Monopoly, which I rejected because it was too boring and complicated (seriously, how do capitalists give a shit about that stuff?) and then Mouse Trap which was more my speed but the baby kept knocking my mouse off of its space with his sweatshirt sleeve and I had a conniption. I just don’t understand why he has to play dirty like that.

My mom and the baby and I spent some time in Squirrel Hill yesterday, a good chunk in Barnes & Noble. I furrowed my eyebrows at their decision to display a Holocaust book in the middle of some discount cookbooks and noticed that women write some shitty books these days. Ladies, please step up your game. Anyway, we went to Little’s to get some shoes for the baby and that place was insane. There was some serious congestion over by the Uggs. Also, they are no longer carrying Doc Martens and I…just don’t know what to say about that.

The cat woke me up this morning by sticking his cold nose into my armpits to smell them. I got up and fed him and watched Marie Antoinette since I knew the husband didn’t want to watch it. Meeeehhhhh…It certainly wasn’t awful. It was just lacking something and I can’t really place it at all. I think Sofia Coppola accomplished that sense of isolation pretty well. And it was interesting to see Marie and Louis portrayed as pop stars, basically…or the children of pop stars. They could not be more privileged and yet they have no idea what the world is like or that they should have any idea in the first. Actual political decisions are nothing more than an unpleasant obligation that takes a few minutes out of the day. Other than that, it’s ceremony and making impressions and having their entourages tell them how awesome they are. Monarchy is stupid not only for the people it rules, but also for the rulers…same thing with celebrity idolatry. The celebrities/monarchs are eventually empty calories and the people have to swallow the fact that those people are in charge. Or revolt. And revolts are risky because people get killed and who wants to get killed?

Enough rambling. Who wants cookies?

I don’t understand why I can’t just snap my fingers and have bagels and cream cheese appear in front of me.

I’m getting myself motivated to get up and get my coffee and the baby wants some tea. Yeah, it’s that kind of a day. Classes are over. I turned in my last regular assignment yesterday (and had a nightmare last night that I did it totally wrong because that prof’s directions are always 40 pages long and I don’t have time for all that), and I have a final portfolio due next Friday. I imagine I’ll be able to get it done before then. And then I shall say farefuckingwell to this semester. It was such a bear. My classes were good and I learned a lot but it was way too hard overall. Interestingly enough, that seems to be the consensus among any student types that I talk to.

I really felt like the last few weeks I was just barely hanging on. I skimmed readings to try to get the general idea, but I think I stopped actually reading early in November. I did assignments with the sole goal of getting them done, no real concern over whether or not it was any good.

At some point it all got to be too much and I’ll feel really stupid if my grades suck because I overextended myself (for the record, grades sucking is C level. I’m perfectly happy with Bs). I just really want to get through this program relatively quickly so I can start working in a field that really uses whatever interests or talents that I claim to have.

My version of motivation is so weird. I was telling Angela the other day that I don’t really have any ambitions in life…not career-wise, anyway. It may sound trite but my family is what makes me happy. I want a career that will help me provide for them, that I like, and that will never try to take precedence in my life. I understand that if I don’t commit myself to working 100 hours a week, I’m never going to be some hotshot, but I just don’t care about any of that. Even if I didn’t have the husband or the baby, I would never want to spend all of my time working. I value the time that I’m able to just sit and think too much. I feel like a lot of people around my age are obsessed with finding the perfect career or the best career, but I feel like I’ll never have passion for any profession as much as I have passion for just living and being. Seriously, how could any job even hope to come close?

We have more important matters to tend to now…such as Wu-Tang Clan: