kdiddy.org

Frank sent me a link to this children’s book about weed and I’m having a hard time accepting that it’s a real book.

Let me ‘splain.

A little girl wanders into her parents’ room one night because she smells something funny and her parents are all, “Duuude.” However…the carpeting? The rainbow headboard? Seriously?

The next day the mom offers to take her daughter on a field trip to learn about the weeds from a farmer and a doctor and some other buddies. So they dress like:

because it’s Halloween. Suurrrreeee.

Here we have a collage of all of the different types of people who smoke trees, including Bill Clinton and George W. Bush. Frankly, insinuating that W partakes of the herbs is insulting to potheads everywhere.

The mom and the little girl run into some black people, who are not at work but smoking weed at the take-out joint…

…until the cops show up to arrest them. WTF, man?

Let me state for the record that if you’re about to go off on some anti-pot screed, save it. You’ve come to the wrong place. I’m not opposed to such a book, I just wish it wasn’t so stupid. And psychedelic.

Or else, someone should direct me to where I can smoke something that will make the gynecologist’s office look like this:

And that will allow me to be surrounded by world leaders who, presumably, have access to the all of the junk food stores in the world.

I’ve seen these miniaturized pictures before, but for whatever reason I was inspired to try it this morning…probably because I have a ton of work to do and I would like to avoid it.

So, check it out. Here’s the original, a picture I took at the Monster Jam (clicking through to the larger originals might make them easier to see):

And here are the monster trucks miniaturized:

Surely, these aren’t the best examples, but it was so easy and I am completely obsessed with miniaturizing pictures now.

That’s my son in a picture I took a few seconds ago.* He’s wearing his storm trooper costume and has been for the better part of the last 30 hours or so. Yesterday morning he woke me up and told me he was cold and I told him to go put his robe on. A few minutes later, I walked past his room on my way to the bathroom and saw him wearing that.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Oh, I couldn’t find my robe so I put this on instead,” he replied.

Of course.

I just realized that you can also see our cat, Greedo, in that picture and that currently the Star Wars dorkiness factor in this room alone is through the roof.

In really awesome news, our car hoopty died once and for all. We’re trying to come up with creative methods of paying for a new one. So far, we’ve come up with:

1) yard sale
2) ?

Right now, we’re sharing our mother-in-law’s car and obviously that’s no long-term solution. But something has to happen this week, so that’ll be interesting.

Regarding my recent neglect of this area of the internet, I can only point to school and work as the culprit. In fact, my life over the past two weeks and probably for the next three weeks can be best summed up by this video:

I chose to get in the tire that is grad school, but during my descent I quickly realized that I am a total masochist. At the end of this semester, I will emerge dazed and say, “I hate that. I hate it so bad.” Then I will repeat this for at least four more semesters or until I chew my own face off. Whichever comes first.

Anyway, as if I haven’t saturated these internets enough, I finally got some twitter action, which sounds rather dirty. So, if you have a hankering for some stream-of-consciousness diddy, check that space.

*by pointing my laptop at him and snapping the shot with Photobooth. What? The digital camera is in the next room and it’s Sunday and I’m exercising my right to fuse my ass to the couch.

Absolutely incredible.

I won the Photo in Search of a Caption on MamaPop yesterday because I’m all witty and shit.

I’m going to print that page out and put it on the mantle next to my Oscar (when I get it).

oh hai big brother.

In honor of the forthcoming gluttony, I present to you the following internerd gifts which may have already seen, but they bear repeating.

One of the greatest things ever to appear on the internet, was this trailer that turned The Shining into a family comedy:

In an equally awesome vein, here is When Harry Met Sally presented as a horror movie:

I must have missed when this got started and I don’t know the rules, so I’m just going to take the prompt and run with it.

Where were you when…?
Our parents’ generation can recall exactly what they were doing when JFK was shot – it’s a Cultural moment that defines a generation. What big cultural event occurred during your childhood/youth that you recall clearly, if juvenile-ly? What was its impact on you?

I feel really corny saying this, but I remember with startlingly vivid clarity finding out that Kurt Cobain died. It was in the early-ish afternoon and I was asleep in the car. My mom was driving me to ballet. The announcement came over the radio and it pierced my sleep. I woke up suddenly and gasped and asked my mom to verify what I had just heard. When we got to ballet, I ran and told my friends.

I didn’t dress in black for days afterward and I didn’t participate in any vigils or listen to In Utero while crying in the dark. I was just really bummed about it and angry that people thought it was okay to mock the situation. I thought a lot about Frances Bean, who was just a baby at the time, and how she would never really know her dad or understand how big of an impact he had.

Mostly, I was sad that a figure like Cobain was gone. I think he managed to come to the spotlight and be an idol for people who weren’t finding life to be all it was cracked up to be as they came of age. He got that and sometimes when you’re really young and don’t understand why you feel different, it’s good to know that someone else feels the same way. And that it’s okay to yell, to scream, to be silent, and to give the middle finger to people you’re supposed to respect for no good goddamned reason.

***

Aside, here are some things that have made me cry and/or barf in the past day or so:

Reach in and touch the inner cow

A trip to the Creationist Museum. I think a field trip to this museum is in order, lubricated with lots of booze. The existence of this place confirms this shocking epiphany I had last night: people are full of shit.

Angela’s story of finding a small turd on the floor of the bathroom at her work. You don’t want to know how long I sat around wondering how that happened.

I get a decent amount of visitors to my site who stumble upon it by searching for “the white man marching on” and find themselves at this post. Tonight, I had two such visitors right next to each other. One was from Austria and the other was from Germany.

Awesome.