kdiddy.org

Hi Kelly,

By accepting Pittsburgh Bars as your friend, you will be able to send Pittsburgh Bars personal messages, view Pittsburgh Bars’s photos and blog, and interact with each other’s friends and network!

Wow, all of them? All of the bars in Pittsburgh want to be my friend? I feel special. And alcoholic.

Also, here’s a short list of awesome things that happened since 8:30 a.m.:

1) flat tire
2) lost nose ring while blowing my nose. I’ve done this twice now.

I have 7 active games of Scrabulous on Facebook.

I’m being spanked soundly in every one.

Also, why is the internet dead today? Is there another holiday I don’t have off for?

Apparently, I’ve seen everything on the internet and am just starting over at the beginning.

I forget where I saw the link for those pictures that I posted about yesterday, but I’m guessing it was Google Reader. This morning, one of my friends’ shared items was a link to a post on MetaFilter about the same pictures and the discussion was full of complaints about it being a re-post at least 5 times over. Following the links in the discussion, I found myself at this video and realized that I had definitely seen those pictures and that video months ago and had completely forgotten about them.

Is there a name for this phenomenon wherein a dork spends so much time looking at dumb shit on the internet that it eventually starts looking new to her?

I don’t know. ‘Tis a question for the great minds of our day. Alright, I’m off to email everyone about this unbelievable Lysol douche ad and this hilarious video game translation. Because as far as I’m concerned, those are brand new all over again.

Looking at these pictures, I’m not entirely convinced that spray tan isn’t the new blackface.

I mean, seriously…

If that was my gene pool, I would manually remove my reproductive organs. And what’s with that hairdo? Dudes obviously should not have access to hair product. It’s too bad, especially since the girls are relatively cute and normal, shiny prom dresses notwithstanding.

One of my professors has a really interesting research area: Pittsburgh Speech or Pittsburghese as we call it. Last year, she asked me to help her with some podcasts that she was doing for her website.

Being a native Pittsburgher, I’m rather fluent in Pittsburghese, but the teachers that I had as a child made a point of encouraging us to be aware of our speech and not to slip into the dialect. I generally speak (or try to, anyway) in a relatively neutral tone of voice, but can turn Pittsburghese “on” when I want to.

Or when I’m drunk.

In any case, you can hear me on the podcasts for “nebby” and “dahntahn.” Check it aht.

Apparently, if you post a bulletin to MySpace, you immediately receive friend requests from ladies like Jaclyn, Mary Beth, and Katie who unfortunately had to move their “modeling” pics to another site.

I hate MySpace. So much. I so want to delete it, as it is possibly the suckiest site on the internet. But I like having some method of contacting people I might need to contact at some point in the next 20 years.

Facebook is only slightly more tolerable. Though I will admit to not having the first clue what is going on in that Oregon Trail game. Apparently I committed suicide while a member of a friend’s wagon party, of which I wasn’t even aware I was a part. Figures I would miss my own demise.

I make with the writing at MamaPop. Today, I threw my Lasso of Pissiness* around Clay Aiken.

I’m telling you this because you need to go visit that site ON THE REGULAR. Ya heard?

*It’s like Wonder Woman’s Golden Lasso. ‘Cept it’s made out of angst.

Edited 10:14 p.m.: Uh, I wrote this at like 5:30 and apparently didn’t hit “publish.” Dur.

I am so all about this. And I want to help spearhead the movement.

Admittedly, I need to work on my putdowns. My most biting criticism of late was uttered the other night during a discussion of Joe Francis’ “success” with the Girls Gone Wild franchise: “Any woman who shows her boobs to a camera for free is a fucking idiot.”

I’ll give the birthday party a quick recap tomorrow. Right now, I am gleefully horizontal on the bed.

You know who’s surprisingly funny? Joe Rogan. We managed to catch a stand up special of his from 2005 on cable somewhere last night and I was dying. I always thought he was just some tool who watched people eat sea cucumbers on Fear Factor. He basically gave the plot synopsis of Idiocracy during a good chunk of his routine (obviously this was before that movie was out), and it was fantastic. He talked about how stupid most people are and how screwed we would be if all of the smart people just died out. One of his lines was, “If I dropped you in the middle of the woods with a hatchet, how long do you think it would be before you sent me an email?”

Anyway, I mention this because I was doing some laundry and decided that I wanted to find out how to wrap text around in image in WordPress. I went to the support forums and was directed to a tutorial and then my brain went “Ow.” I consider myself pretty computer-savvy and possessing the ability to figure things out, but apparently this is beyond me…Okay, been fiddling with it for 20 minutes and maybe “wrapping text” means something different to the folks at WordPress. Nyergh.

Someone posted an old commercial for the Mickey Mouse Talking Phone on the vintage_ads community the other day. I totally had that phone. The buttons were kind of hard to press and I remember chewing on the phone cord because it had a satisfying, rubbery taste. I realize now that this is kind of strange. Hey, at least I didn’t choke myself with it, which is what kids would do with it now. Anyway, two really great things about this commercial: the blue shag carpeting of ridiculous height, and the announcer’s cheery voice when he says, “With the Mickey Mouse Talking phone, the batteries are not included!” Like this is a marketable feature.