kdiddy.org

Yeah, so, last night’s post came after I had spent about 3.5 hours working on this webpage in Dreamweaver. When I first started this class, I was really digging learning some real HTML and thought to myself, “I could do this for a living and be some kind of writer/designer hybrid!”

Seven weeks later, everything has picked up speed considerably and I am seriously dog-paddling just to keep up. And now I’m a little despondent about my career options. Like, seriously, what CAN I do? Granted, this isn’t a class dedicated to web design and I’m sure if I really wanted to learn it I could find some better training.

And that actually gave me some comfort. See, during our lectures for this course, we learn about research methods and in the lab we learn HTML because the course is one big project: redesigning a website for a client. But since we don’t go over HTML in the lectures, it’s really like two separate classes (at least for now). So in reality I’m taking three classes this semester. Plus working full-time, plus freelance writing on the side, plus having a family.

It’s a bit much. And I don’t think it’s surprising that I’m overwhelmed and having a hard time.

And I don’t think the goal of the course is to become a web design expert in 12 weeks. At least I hope not. I just hope that my final redesign suggestions aren’t like, “How about a white background with some black 12 pt Times New Roman text and a vertical unordered list of links? No pics. It’ll be so minimal and such a throwback, everyone will be stunned by it’s brilliance!”

What? I can bullshit. Did I mention that the other class that I’m taking this semester is in marketing and PR? Next week we’re learning how to sell ribs to ladies in white gloves. Honest!

Of course, I toy with the idea of dropping a class, but at this point I’ve already done half of the work and I would need to take either class over again at some point. So I’m miserably resigned to sticking with both (or all three, however you look at it) and am just praying that I can still pull off some decent grades.

Luckily, my standards for decent grades are relatively low. I’m perfectly happy with Bs, though I will admit to becoming somewhat A-obsessed since being at this school, which is just chock full of people who just freak the fuck out at an A minus. Honestly, I don’t see how anyone with that mindset can enjoy life, but whatever.

What are you doing this weekend? Wanna hang aht?

I hate when schoolwork makes me cry and feel like the stupidest person on the face of the planet. I hate not understanding shit that I know comes very easily to a lot of people.

Since the wind chill was -7 last night, we busted out the super thick half of this insane comforter I bought at Ikea a couple of years ago. Normally we can get by just fine with the thin half, but since walking back to the car from Wal-Mart led to my experience of having my breath taken away by the frigid wind, thereby preventing me from shouting at the assmunch who had the audacity to honk at the frozen pedestrians from inside his heated car, we decided to bust out the big polyester guns.

I didn’t so much fall asleep as slipped into a coma. And, frankly, cocooned up in my bed is where I still am.

But I managed to take my folder of W2s, 1040s, and FAFSA forms to enrollment services, push it across the counter and say, “Here. Turn this into $2,000 please. I don’t know what I’m doing.” I’m attempting to not gnash my teeth through the tax-paying process of my graduate education and I’m thinking one of them thar fancy student loans will be just the ticket. Not that I’m terribly excited about adding some more debt to my pile, but it needs to happen.

Speaking of taxes, I need to file them shits so I can start stimulating the economy. It’s all up to me, apparently.

I also trekked to my mom’s office and hashed some things out with her. See, I told her that it would be better for us to wait to talk to each other until after I had had some time to calm down and she had a chance to speak to someone not in our deranged family (read: a pro). Lo and behold, our conversation was civil and productive. It did not end in my mom crying and me getting pissed at her, as every other serious conversation of ours has. See? I don’t know why people don’t listen to me all the time. I’M BRILLIANT.

1) Procure DVDs of The L Word. I left off early in season 3, right around the time Jenny started shooting people with a Taser. And I just saw a MAJOR spoiler in a friends’ LJ and I realize that I need to get up to speed.

2) Get belligerent at my TV screen during the Super Bowl.

3) parent, do laundry, get caught up on grad skool and whatever.

Last night I read “Politics and the English Language” for class and one of the metaphors that George Orwell was already sick of way back in 1946 is “toe the line.” This irritates me because “toe the line” is one of my favorite metaphors ever. It makes me think of petulant people in black catsuits staring at a line in the sand in some version of nowhere. In my vision, these ne’er-do-wells mischievously tap the line with the tips of their toes much to the dismay of the people who drew it.

How can anyone hate “toe the line?” Look how much fun I’m having with it!

There’s also that scene in Three Amigos where Ned draws the line and says, “Men or mice?” At least I think that’s how it goes.

Also, for your consideration: CNN is the new National Enquirer. The 00s are the new 80s. The new recession is going to kick the asses of all previous recessions on American Gladiators.

Eh, whatevs.

Granted, I was kind of in a, erm, tender mood yesterday because I had a nightmare the night before and the nightmare was about our break-in. But, like, our break-in on steroids. Very upsetting. I woke up in a cold sweat, panting, and heart pounding. Unfortunately, this is not the first time I’ve had such nightmares and I’m thinking that’s a sign that the ol’ noggin is still having trouble getting over that whole thing.

Anyone want to play therapist?

Anyway, work was work. I had my marketing class last night and was not totally surprised to find myself in the company of “hardcore capitalists,” which is, frankly, a personality trait I find annoying. Of course, it’s not nearly as bad as the History of Capitalism course that I took at Pitt, which was filled with capitalists who surpass “hardcore” and go straight to “fucking frightening.” But respectful because at least they’re honest about the shit.

At 6, when class was over, I walked back to my office and found myself locked out. My boss always works late but last night she didn’t. How dare she! But I scrounged up a phone and security was there within minutes.

Then I got home and managed to screw up making Jiffy corn muffins. Christ.

We watched Bill Maher a few nights ago and…man. Please, Jesus, let the strike end soon for, lo, the comedian is not that funny as it turns out. And I think he knew it since he was practically begging for the writers to come back after the audience merely tittered at his 45th “Hillary crying” joke.

I have a list of maladies today:
Productive cough (with extra loogies)
Stiff neck
UTI (I’m pretty sure it’s the same one I’ve had since about late November, it just chooses to up its level of irritation from week to week. Ebb and flow or some shit.)
Huge, painful pimple on the chin
General pissiness due to the baby’s bus driver just neglecting to come this morning. The hell, dude?

Anyway, one week of classes down, 15 more to go! *weeps* I had a lab class this morning for my Online Information Design course. I always try to participate/speak in class early on so it’s out of the way. I don’t like talking that much. Anyway, the instructor asked if anyone knew what HTML stood for and I raised my hand and Tracey Flicked that it meant hypertext markup language. And the instructor asked me what that meant/what it did and I replied, “It makes the webpage work!” Am n00b. Whatever, man. I went to the University of LiveJournal for all of my web design “skills.” I’m doing pretty good, considering.

Our office had our holiday lunch today and we were sitting kind of close to the kitchen. So now I have that restaurant kitchen smell all about me. I hate that smell. It instantly takes me back to my old waitressing jobs, leaving my shift exhausted and smelling like grease and fish and dishwater.

Ick.

Lunch ate up a good two hours so I’ve been busy all day. However, I did get my grades for the semester: an A- and a B+. I am very happy…mostly because I am DONE and I don’t have to stress about this semester ever again.

I am going to attempt to make up for the crappiness of this semester by doing at least one fun thing with the baby, his choice, during my break. I blew up at him on Sunday during the dinner and I’ve felt really awful about it ever since. He was being rude and obnoxious and I couldn’t take it anymore. I was still so worn out from everything and I just wanted him to settle down. Also, immediately after my outburst, I took a big sip from my glass of wine. I suddenly realized, “Hey. I’m trashy! Go to the store and get me some cigarettes, kid!”

I know that us being so stressed out over the semester affected him and I feel really bad about that. I wish that everything could be calmer, but if we can just make it through this rough time, we’ll come out much better. I hope.

A side effect of the semester has been a total lack of interest in anything to do with xmas. I sent out cards yesterday and baked. Last night we got our tree. But that’s it. I haven’t done any shopping and to be truthful, I’m really turned off by the thought of giving or receiving anything this year. I just don’t want to do it. I just haven’t been able to throw myself into xmas like I have in the past and even then I never got way into it. My mom and mother-in-law and the grandmas keep pestering me for gift ideas for the baby and I keep snottily telling them to forget it. I don’t know what I’m giving him, so I’m not going to just give away any ideas. Plus, the thought of my kid receiving yet another ton of toys next week makes me kind of sad.

Any therapists in the crowd?

As of about five minutes ago, when I so very slyly stuffed my final portfolio underneath a few others so it wouldn’t look like I was the last one to turn it in, I am done with this semester.

DONE.

Faretheefuckingwell, I say. I learned a lot, but this semester was just way too hard.

And soon the drinking shall commence.

Oh, in case you were wondering, I don’t just have random chats with the likes of Regina Spektor every day. I was interviewing her for an article I’m writing. I was incredibly nervous the whole time, but she was very nice and then at the end, when I could no longer contain myself, I broke into FanGirl and gushed over how much I like her music and how awesome and cool I think she is and that I wish her so much success. She responded, “Wow, that’s so nice! Thank you!” And I couldn’t tell if she was saying, “Wow! That’s so nice! Thank you!” or “Wow! I was not creeped out at all today until I got on the phone with you!”

But who cares? THE SEMESTER IS OVER!

Final assignment 1 of 3: Done.

Due at: 1:30 p.m. today
Completed at: 1:10 p.m. today

I will make no claims as to the quality of the paper, since “done” was what I was shooting for. I aim high. The more you know, n’at.

At some point, someone remind me to think about how I want to go bowling soon and how I might make that happen.