kdiddy.org

It happened again tonight. My mom said, “I hope there's something good on TV tonight,” and looked at me. I do not control the TV. I have no power over the quality of programming. What really baffles me is when I'm watching something that's actually good and my mom comes in and changes the channel to watch something not nearly as good. A little bit ago, for instance, I was watching The Color Purple and my mom comes in and whines until I agree to watching 20/20 for few minutes just to see what's on. Not surprisingly, it's dumb shit. We caught the tail-end of a segment about a teenage girl who was raped at a party, but then came a segment about people who practice Calorie Reduction (read: dressed up anorexia). Up next is John Stossel and his rant on toys that are difficult to assemble. I always felt like Andy Rooney's crotchety commentaries on trivial shit were a waste of time, but I took comfort in the fact that someday he would be viciously eaten by poodles retire. But as far as I can tell, as soon as Mr. Rooney shuts the hell up, John Stossel will just keep on whining about shit that doesn't matter. But this doesn't bother me as much as the fact that my mom isn't showing any signs of turning The Color Purple back on, which sucks because I was really trying to spend some quality crying time with my estrogen. I guess I'll just have to go stand out back later on tonight and scream, “NETTIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”* and then dissolve into tears like I was planning to do.\
\
…\
\
I saw Good Charlotte's anti-suicide video again last night and its suckiness really made me want to kill myself. I'm not sure what to think about that. On one hand, I think, “Wow, maybe Good Charlotte are actually really subversive and smart and are trying to get dumb MTVheads to kill themselves by sucking them in with their catchy pop punk and then making a song that's SO bad no one can resist the itch. I may have some respect for those jokers after all.” But on the other hand, I think, “OH MY GOD, THEY'RE WORSE THAN I THOUGHT! BRING ME A BOTTLE OF VODKA AND SOME VICODIN RIGHT NOW!”\
\
…\
\
I have this horrible pimple right at the entrance to my left nostril.\
\
…\
\
In a little less than an hour, my baby will be two years old! What the heck? This time two years ago I was getting the last of my stuff together to go to the hospital. Weird.\
I spent a good bit of the day making lasagna. I made a diet-friendly one for my mom, me and my grandfather and a regular, fatty one for the rest of the family. I had to run to Foodland in the middle of the whole process because I realized that the baking dishes that we had were too big. The cashier that I had was DISGRUNTLED. I guess it was time for her to go home and anytime someone who worked there walked by she would say, “Are you here to take over for me? I'm ready to go, I just need someone to take over. I don't care who it is or whether they work here or not. They can pull someone in off the street just as long as they'll stand at this register.” I felt bad. I've definitely had days like that at my various jobs.\
Anyway, I'm a very slow cook and I acknowledge this. It took me about five hours just to cook those two lasagnas.\
Off to wrap some presents.\
\
*By the way, if you think I'm not going to go totally Oprah-as-Sofia at my wedding and that I won't say, “I's married now!” you're stupid.

I slept in til about 9:30 this morning, but I'm not too annoyed about it since it means that I got over 8 hours of sleep last night. What a novelty. I really, really needed it, though.\
\
However, I'm having some sort of problem with bed bugs. my legs and ankles keep getting bitten during the night, even though I constantly change the sheets and shake out the bedspread. Last night I tucked my pajama bottoms into my tube socks, which looked unbelievably sexy, but I think I still managed to get one bite. Man, it sure is tough being an immigrant living in a slummy tenement in 19th century New York…Oh WAIT, I don't. I live in a nice house in 21st century Pittsburgh. What the fuck?

We sat down to watch Friends and when my mom realized that it wasn't a new one she exclaimed, “Hey, this is old episode!” and then turned around and gave me this really dirty look…like I'm the fucking head of programming at NBC. I asked her, “Well, what are you looking at me for? I didn't have anything to do with that.” She laughed and told me to send them an irate email. NBC better pray that I don't send them this:\
\
Dear NBCocks,\
You played an encore episode of friends on December 4, 2003. This made my mom irritated with me. I hate when my mom is irritated with me. Please think of me when you make such heartless decisions. Don't make me come up there.\
Kelly Delaney\
\
stopped by a little while ago and brought me this irresistable apple pie. I've decided not to have any tonight, but it keeps popping up in my mind, saying, “Come eat my appley goodness. You know you want me.” Mmmm….\
\
….\
\
The mayor is off the hook:\
http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/03338/247119.stm\
That is going to piss so many people off. I can't wait. There is nothing like a politician who knows that he doesn't have to kiss any more asses and just lets the shit fly. Ah, I love it. God Bless America and somethingsomethingsomething.\
\
….\
\
Does anyone want to come with me to get a flu shot?

DJ Wally review\
\
http://www.pittsburghpulp.com/content/2003/12_04/arts_discs.shtml\
\
Article from HELL\
\
http://www.pittsburghpulp.com/content/2003/12_04/arts_a&efeature.shtml

Two years ago today, I was most likely finishing up my paper for Film Analysis. My son was busy turning back into the breech position and no doubt thinking, “She'd look better with a big horizontal scar on her lower abdomen. The vertical stretch marks are just kind of boring. Eventually, I'd like to be able to play tic-tac-toe on my mom's belly.”\
\
Then some part of my body undoubtedly swelled and I most likely farted.

The other night, the boyfriend and I watched two of the worst movies ever made: feardotcom and The Tuxedo. Last night we made up for it by watching two very kick-ass flicks: Shallow Grave and Secretary. Though I had resolved to go to sleep at a decent hour so that I could wake up early and putz, the movies sucked me in. Then I had trouble sleeping, but not because my mind was racing, as is usually the case. The boyfriend fell asleep and placed me in some kind of death grip. I don't mind a little cuddling but at some point it's time to separate and go fetal. Usually this isn't an issue. However, last night, the boyfriend had his arm around me and at several points during the night his legs, too. Whenever I tried to squirm my way out he would constrict and say, “No.” It was very bizarre, although humorous at the same time. When I would ask him to let me go he would just sort of grunt at me. Eventually I gave up but his added body heat made for a very sweaty Kelly. Something similar happened once before when I was about 7 months pregnant. I awoke to find that the boyfriend was…sleepwrestling me…for lack of a better word. It was nothing violent but I'm sure it looked hysterical. You can imagine the boyfriend's confusion when I said to him the next morning, “Yeah, so…what's up with the nocturnal headlocks?”\
\
What really sucked is that the baby decided to wake up super early today. I tried to get him to go back to sleep with me but he was not having it. I even let him vegetate to Noggin but he wanted me to watch with him and let me know this by pulling on my hair or prying my eyelids open if I happened to drift off. I managed to rouse myself for Sesame Street and was pleased to see that they still use the old animated clips. \
My dad has off of work on Thursdays and Fridays so today he stopped by and we went to S.W. Randall to buy a birthday present from him to the baby. S.W. Randall is this sort of upscale toy store (cheap website, though: http://www.earthstores.com/swr2666/ ) and the way you can tell it's upscale is that they spell toys “Toyes” and gifts “Giftes,” which, I'm pretty sure isn't proper Olde Englishe e e. There also isn't a drop of Fisher-Price in the place, although I will admit I'm a bit addicted to the Little People stuff. I'm trying to go back there next week sometime because they have two kick ass board games that I want to buy for the boyfriend and I: Mancala and Go (I recently bought a book about Go. It makes my head hurt just looking at it.) It was pretty funny to see the baby's eyes light up and to watch him interact with some other kids his age. One boy there, who was two and a half and even tinier than my kid (which is saying a lot), was very nice and talked and played with the baby. It was really neat. Then a little girl about 2 and 1/2 stopped in and my kid started working the charm, dazzling her with toy trains and toy shopping carts. My kid has some serious game.\
Anyway, my dad and I decided on a little starter set for those Brio wooden train sets. I'm pretty excited about it. Those train sets are so awesome and the baby played with it for seriously an hour.\
Right now, he's napping, I'm nursing a sleep-deprivation headache and am about to do a little survey type thingy that has been all the rage on my friends list today.\
\
\
1. Friend that knows you the best? \
\
2. Friend you have known the longest? I was going to say but I'm pretty sure that I met a few months before. Either way, I've known them both since 1999.\
\
3. How many on your friends list? 72. Only 66 of those like me back. ;-p\
\
4. Have you ever dated anyone on your friends list? Nope.\
\
5. Friends you have met in person? , , , , , , , , , , (some of them, anyway), , , , , , , , , , , Jesus, that's way more than I thought.\
\
6. Friend(s) you would most like to meet in person? All of the Pittsburgh people on my friends list that I haven't met yet, , , …hell, all of the DC/Baltimore massive that I have on here.\
\
7. Friend that makes you laugh the most from their post? usually gets a chuckle out of me. So does and…let me put it this way, if you're not funny then you're not on my friends list.\
\
8. Friend you wish posted more? and \
\
9. Friend you feel is most like you? \
\
10. Last person you added as a friend? \
\
11. Friend that introduced you to LJ? \
\
12. Friend you most want to get know better? Tough one, I really can't say.\
\
13. Do you read someone's journal that is not on your friends list? Yeah, I do a lot of browsing on here.\
\
Based on the # of people your friends list follow the chart below…\
If you have 1-5 people on your friends list, say something nice about the 3rd person.\
If you have 6-20 people on your friends list, say something nice about the 11th person.\
If you have 21-75 people in your friends list, say something nice about the 21st person.\
\
\
is probably the goofiest girl on the planet. I want to tie her up and keep her in the corner of my room so that she can just say funny stuff whenever I need her to. Also, quit living in Troy Hill! I don't see yinz enough!

I'm sort of watching Law & Order right now. The suspect is doing a pretty bad impression of Tony Montana. “I hear you de first tine.”\
\
My friend Jonah, aka Meat, stopped by today rather unexpectedly. The baby and I were just about to head out to run some errands, so I told Meat to come along with us. It was pretty nice, since I hadn't seen him in a really long time and he was able to hold doors for me while I navigated the stroller. We went to Eckerd, where I refilled my baby repellant prescription and picked up some lip balm for the boyfriend. Then it was off to the hardware store where I got the boyfriend a copy of the house key since he lost his some time last week. We stopped at the Thai restaurant for some cheap lunch (the baby even ate a good bit of tofu!) before heading to Hallmark.\
Now, I might have mentioned before that I was hoping to make Christmas cards for my family. However, that idea apparently is only cute when you're, say, 7. My mom kind of teased me about it, so I caved to my material-ass family and just bought them some impersonal holiday cards. Humph. I spent too much money there, though, because of the whole “every family member must specific cards from each family member” crap rule that my mom made up, which I know I've told y'all about before. For example, my mom must receive a card from the boyfriend, the baby and I as a family, one from just the baby, and one from just me. If this doesn't happen, she and my grandmother get PISSED. Dumb, I know, and someday we will find a nice insane asylum for my mom and grandmother where they can exchange redundant greeting cards and tchotchkes til the cows come home. In the meantime, I will just keep single-handedly supporting my local Hallmark.\
Anyway, Meat was nice enough to chase the baby around while I tried to coordinate the whole greeting card situation, but ended up just grabbing a bunch and resolving to figure it out when I got home. The baby kept playing with these hideous windchimes that had suns and dolphins and wolves and shit on them. I kept dragging him away from them and Meat said that I was being authoritarian. I told him that I just didn't want to have to buy one of those fucking windchimes.\
\
…\
\
The other day I was bitching about my friend, Stacey, because she's busy with her job and whatnot and never calls me. Tonight she called me and said, “Well, Saturday I fell at work and had to go to the emergency room. Sunday I came down with the flu. Monday I got my period. I've had kind of a shitty couple of days.”\
Errrr…stuff always happens like this so that I get to feel sheepish. Gah.

I want Indian food so badly right now. I could crush some samosas and mango lassis. You don't even KNOW.\
\
The boyfriend is downstairs writing papers for school. Ha. I liked being in college but finals are one aspect that I certainly do not miss. So while he's toiling away over macroeconomics I'm watching samurai movies.\
\
I shouldn't boast too much, though. I'm still the official washer woman around here.\
\
*train of thought derails, many brain cells die tragically*\
\
The article that I wrote for Pulp this week was THE SUCK. It got sent back for rewrites twice. Yeah, I'm that bad.\
\
While I was trying to watch the Charlie Brown Christmas special, the boyfriend came in and started asking me about the taxes that I'll have to pay for my writing earnings. Way to ruin a mood, fucko! Then the baby spilled Fresca on the bed.\
\
Since I've kind of gotten out of the Live Journal groove, I feel like I'm having trouble getting back into and, thus, have to write these really dumb entries. Unfortunately, it's you who suffers. I'm so sorry.\
\
When we were out shopping on Saturday I bought some of this candy:\
http://www.asianmerchant.com/kasjapcan.html\
I'm now addicted and have been thinking about it ever since. I keep one of the wrappers in my pocket so that I can pull it out and sniff it every once in awhile. Seriously, that stuff is made of pure crack. You know how some sweet stuff you eat too much of it and you start to feel sick? Well, that doesn't happen with this stuff. It's like the perfect candy. I just want a couple of huge cases of this stuff for Christmas.

I was going to write an update but then I decided not to. So, yeah, this isn't here.\
\
…\
\
I will say that A Charlie Brown Christmas Special still owns.

I know that I haven't done a proper update in days and that my last entry about the Thanksgiving Battle Royal may have made my absence seem a little suspect. Rest assured, I have not jumped off of a cliff (yet). Just trying to get stuff done now so that I might actually enjoy the baby's birthday and the holidays (stuff = bills, articles, shopping, cleaning, and the like). I have been skimming over my friends page, though, so you're all still right here with me.\
By the way, thanks everyone for all of the encouragement and noogies that you gave me after my Thanksgiving meltdown.\
Today I'm revising an article that I wrote for Pulp. I was rushed by life stuff and when I sent it in on Saturday I was very unhappy with it. It was not at all up to snuff. So today I'm focusing on doing things well rather than just getting them done. Haste makes waste and whatnot. Besides that, I'm frustrated with this article for some petty reasons, but I'll tell you all about that later.\
Now I'm actually going to go do stuff instead of just writing about it on here!\
Later.\
Hugs.\
Air kisses.