kdiddy.org

My son just picked up a piece of junk mail that I got today, licked it, then farted.
Brain.
Damage.

it's not as coy.

The baby is down for his nap. I'm just taking a few moments to myself to enjoy a roll of Smarties and a Diet Vanilla Coke. Then I'm marching upstairs, straightening up my room before I head back down to the basement to do laundry. The laundry. never. ends. I swear it wasn't this bad when it was just the boyfriend, the baby, and me. It's all my mom's fault.
bluuuuuuuhhhhhhh
had a cool survey. I might do that…but not right now.

As this was happening I made a mental note to jot it down in LJ, but of course I forgot. After the main cap and gown ceremony there was a smaller ceremony for just the CAS graduates. It was pretty lame, much-needed hors d'oeuvres, getting our names called and then receiving this diploma holder thing from various Deans whom I've never once seen in all of my years at Pitt. As I was coming off of the stage, my grandfather was waiting to give me a congratulatory hug. Now, he's 80 years old and he's still in excellent shap, physically and mentally. But he had been over at the Pittsburgh Athletic Association enjoying glasses of scotch while the main ceremony was dragging on. When he has a drink or two in him he becomes this combination of feeble old man and beligerent relative who says a little too much…you're not sure whether to pat him on the head or kick him in the shins. As I came off of the stage, my grandfather grabs me, pecks me on the cheek and says, right in my ear, “Men everywhere should be very nervous when they see all of these women getting degrees.”

I didn't know what to say. I think I replied, “Oh, um, is that so?” and then scurried over to the rest of my family.
My family is so goofy.

I just realized that Mother's Day is fast approaching. amazon.com, guide my sword. Although, I'm really not sure what to get for my mother…books, I'm thinking no because I bought her an assload of books for Christmas and she's only read one of them so far. Maybe a subscription to one of those girly, decorating magazines? She's hard to shop for. Clothes are out because she has to fit everything for herself. She doesn't like to get any house-related items for holidays. Maybe a movie…but what? Argh. Flowers are kind of a waste and she'll get some from my grandmother anyway. I'd like to do something crafty but I'm pretty bad about those kinds of things. I know she really wants some of those wall shelves from Pottery Barn. But I probably only have enough money to buy her one. That would be lame. “Happy Mother's Day! Here's a shelf.” dur.
By the way, Satan won out last night. I did not go down and finish my laundry. I wonder if the baby might like to talk a walk to the laundromat with me so I can wash those two big comforters of mine in the Speed Queens…

I'm not sure what posessed me to do this. I stole it off of Thanks.

1) Who should play you in a movie about your life?: Lauren Ambrose. She rocks me.
2) What do you use to wash your hair?: usually fancy shampoo and conditioner but, as mentioned before, I've been usin Le Pert Plus. My hair's been looking pretty crazy.
3) Your face?: some fancy face wash that my grandmother deals me.
4) Who's your favorite Golden Girl?: Dorothy
5) Do you know how to play poker?: Not really. My grandfather taught me a bunch of times but it's never stuck.
6) What class did you cut the most in high school?: I think all in all, it's probably my senior english class. Our teacher had a heart attack around February so we had a sub. She never did anything with us so I skipped that class for about a whole month. But my senior year I was pretty truant altogether.
7) Invite 3 people to dinner: Margaret Cho, Eddie Izzard, Aaron McGruder. Fuck. Yeah.
8) Favorite incense flavor: Nag Champa?
9) Age you first shaved: I think 11? I remember cutting myself shaving while taking a bath on Christmas Eve. I made up some shit about cutting it on the drain so that my mom wouldn't find out.
10) What color nail polish are you wearing right now?: Wow, this is one of like five times in my life I've worn nail polish. It's really pale pink, practically clear.
11) Coolest animal you've seen up close: Chuckles.
12) Favorite standup comedian: Eddie Izzard/Margaret Cho tie.
14) First letter or digit of your license plate: don't got one.
15) Describe your dream wedding: me, the boyfriend, heinz chapel, stunning dress. I could go into more details but it would be boring.
16) First store you run to at the mall: the food court. I fucking hate the mall, though.
17) Ever been to a strip club?: yes
18) Do you wear a watch?: yes
19) Do you know how to tie a tie?: kinda
20) Ever see a UFO?: no
21) Cooking fiasco: Probably when I cooked dinner for the boyfriend's mother's birthday. The boyfriend found out there was mustard (a condiment he detests) in the sauce and refused to eat it. I was crushed. A four-hour long arugment ensue. so. fucking. stupid.
22) Thoughts on Eminem: I just don't even know.
23) Do you own any diamonds?: A pair of earrings that my dad gave me awhile ago. They're from JC Penney. How hot is that? Any more diamonds that I own I would like to inherit. I don't think I'm down with anymore diamonds being mined. It's not like hand-me-downs will be in bad shape, you know?
24) What do you carry with you at all times?: my George Kostanza wallet.
25) Ever smoke a cigar?: Does a Swisher Sweet count? Then yes.
26) Do you snore?: No.
27) Talk in your sleep?: every now and then, yes.
28) Gum- fruity or minty?: Extra Winterfresh Plen-T-Pak. bitch.
29) How do you drive?: nervously.
30) Can you drive stick?: no.
31) Best Elvis song: Don't Believe the Hype by Public Enemy.
32) What do you miss most about being little?: Getting up early on summer mornings, getting dressed, wolfing down breakfast so that I could get outside and play for as long as possible.
33) Whom would you call to bail you out of jail?: The boyfriend. But I can't imagine that situation ever coming true.
34) Cartoon character you'd date: Kim Basinger's character in Cool World.
35) Musical collaboration you'd most like to see: Oh, I'm stumped. Let me think of something really good and I'll get back to you.
36) Are you allergic to anything?: Not officially.
37) Perfume or cologne you wear most?: I generally don't.
38) Can you draw/sketch?: Not a lick.
39) Carnival food: funnel cake
40) Who did you want to be as a child?: Wonderwoman.

Tonight, on a complete whim, I decided to attend to my sorely neglected CD collection. Over the past year, I've moved twice. Since I had a baby the past couple of moves, details like my CDs have fallen to the wayside. Back in the day, my CDs would be alphabetized and separated by genre. Considering that I have something like 500 CDs, this is a pretty monstrous obsession. But now, cases sit empty, CDs lie around collecting dust without their cases, some cases hold two or three CDs. It's a mess.
I started out basic tonight, just going through all of the cases that I have in this room and seeing which ones held the right CD, an additional CD, or were empty. It went pretty well, but I'm still sitting here with a pile of empty cases. They are:

-Tom Waits “Closing Time.” This is particularly concerning since I just listened to this the other day. now I can't find it. I swear to god, my house just eats things.

-OST “Singles.” Also particularly concerning since I inherited this CD from Frank and it is one of my favorite albums ever.

-Vince Guaraldi “A Charlie Brown Christmas.” I'm not sure what happened there. There's a copy of this in my room and I believe it's my mom's. I don't know where this CD could have disappeared to.

-Bob Dylan “Greatest Hits.” I have no idea.

-The Doors “Waiting for the Sun.” I don't know where this could have gone, especially since I haven't listened to the Doors in about 7 years.

-Nick Drake “Bryter Layter” and “Way to Blue.” I'm really hoping these are at my dad's house. These are excellent summer albums.

-Godspeed You Black Emperor (I don't know where the ! goes.) “Lift Yr. Skinny Fists Like Antennas to Heaven!” Disc 1. I have no idea.

-Ben Folds Five “Whatever and Ever Amen.” This seems to really have disappeared into thin air. I dled it a couple of months ago because I was in my yearly winter Ben Folds funk and needed it. I'd like to have the CD back, though.

-Nina Simone “The Best of.” I don't know.

-Al Green “Greatest Hits.” Essential baby-makin' music. Not that I'm trying to make anymore babies anytime soon…but…you know…

-Weezer “Pinkerton.” Eeeek!

Crap. I just remembered that I have laundry downstairs.
*Don't do it, just go to bed.*
*Stop it, Satan.*

groan.

I just found my Have a Few, Get Some CD. Oh yeah. Patrick Swayze like a motherfucker.

I forgot to mention two classic exchanges from yesterday's graduation mini-party. One was between my dad and me.
Dad: How do you get a WVU graduate off of your porch?
Me: How?
Dad: Pay him for the pizza.
Me: hehe. Funny, but I think I've heard that applied to Pitt graduates as well.
Dad: Stephen King?
Me:….
Dad:….
Me: ?
Dad: ?
Me, slurring: More champagne?

The other isn't so much of an exchange as it is a recurring theme. My grandmother insisted on calling my friend Jwan by the name Tyrone. She does that a lot, just makes up names for people. She calls Frank “Stush.” She called Clint, my old boyfriend, Ellwood. We have no idea how she came up with that. I think with Jwan the formula in her head was something like: black person + non-caucasion name – my recollection of his name x oh, just pick some stereotypical black name, Patsy, you'll probably be right = Tyrone. Of course, these names tend to stick so Jwan will forevermore be known as Tyrone. It could have been worse. She might have decided to call him Maliqua or Busta or something.

In other news, I finished writing that piece for Pulp. I was pretty unhappy with it. I just couldn't concentrate. argh. not much more to say about it than that.

I'm hoping that grades will be posted on Pitt's website tomorrow. I really want to know what I got in my Nonfiction 2 class and what my final QPA is. I just know it's going to be a 2.99. again, argh.

My room is an absolute hellhole right now. My mom decided to pile even more furniture in there, specifically the crappy particle-board K-Mart bookshelves that were formerly residing in this room. Our combined book collections are on those shelves…and on the floor…and beside the bed…too many books. Most of them are mine. I keep telling my mom that she needs to get all of that Danielle Steele/Oprah's Book Club stuff out of my room because it's making me look bad. I work pretty hard at maintaining a very elite book collection. Plus, you can tell which books of mine were Christmas presents from her and my grandmother. Stuff like “My Sergei: A Love Story” by Yekaterina Gordeyeva (the ice skater), “The Leonardo DiCaprio Album” (pictures, masturbatory material for girls and boys ages 12-whatever), “Chicken Soup for the Soul, Vol. 6,000,000,000,” and so on.

My CDs are in a shambles. I'm so ashamed.

I don't feel very good. I think I celebrated a little too much yesterday. *burp* I think I had somewhere around 5-7 glasses of champagne plus a good bit of food. Nothing like being drunk by 5:30 p.m. I actually felt fine until around 10:30 when I came down with a splitting headache at Jwan's house. Then when I got home I had to stay up for a little while writing my column for Goose's thing. While doing that my stomach started to make its presence known and my bowels demanded to be moved. In the bathroom I kept thinking that if I threw up I'd be really pissed. Got into bed, read half an article about John Malkovich in NYT magazine then started pass out. As I drifted off to sleep I began to have paranoid fantasies that I might die in my sleep, choking on my own vomit or whatever. The potential shittiness of that situation prompted Alanis Morisette's song “Ironic” to begin running through my head. I fucking hate that song. So it was a good day but a bad evening. I'm trying to work on this piece for Pulp (I'm not real sure how long it's supposed to be…I should find out) but my headache keeps interrupting. Ick.
Graduation was kind of fun. I only knew one person there. We used to work together at Music X. He's a sweet kid but he has so many annoying friends and very poor taste in music. (“Do you like Dashboard Confessional? They're my favorite band. Do you like Avril Lavigne? I love her.” argh.) This one friend of his came over and started babbling about how she had been crying all day and that she really wanted the fact that she was graduating summa cum laude broadcast over the entire school. I kept having these visions of throwing my cap at her head, shooting-star style. Then of course she started going on and on about her fiance and flashing her butt-ugly engagement ring in my face. I can't stand women sometimes. gah. Why are they so retarded?
I really wish someone was here to take care of Kingston while I curled up in bed for a little while longer.
ugh.