kdiddy.org

Thank you, screaming_rose.

20 years ago:
I am 4 years old and already having problems making friends with the other kids at St. Thomas nursery school. Memories are in flashes but nursery schoolmate Bridget Kelly rings clear. I have a crush on her. She has curly hair and a huge smile. When my heathen parents finally decide to have me baptised they tell me I can pick my own middle name, but that it had to start with a B (long story). I lobby long and hard for Baloney but eventually settle on Bridget. Get it? Kelly Bridget-Bridget Kelly. I often hide beside our horribly out-of-tune upright piano and wait for my dad to come home from work while my mom cooks dinner in the kitchen. When he walks in the door he has a perfectly good view of me. I don't understand the concept of hiding too well. Another important development: my very first ballet classes.

10 years ago:
I am 14 and having what I think is a really great year. I have started dieting/quit eating/using diet pills and am suffering a few side effects (ie, a UTI and a mysterious pain in my side that came and went and never explained itself). I have gone from being 5'2″ 110 lbs to being 5'4″ 95-100 lbs. I look gaunt in pictures from this time but still a little part of me thinks I look fabulous. I have a great year in ballet, improve a ton, get accepted to Pacific Northwest Ballet's summer program. Opt instead to stay at PBT for the summer to ensure a spot in the Schenley Program for the upcoming year, a decision that still smarts today. I am still at Riverview High School but itching to get out. I have a better year than freshman year, less teasing, although still recovering from Justin Pappa's ruse of spreading gossip that he likes me, prompting me to pass a note stating that I liked him, which (I bet you know where this is going) led to him laughing in my face and me becoming the joke of the entire school for quite a few months. Sadly enough, this is the third time that has happened to me in my short life. Justin and I come to be on speaking terms once again, but with a lot more caution on my part. I am doing a lot of shopping at Contempo Casuals. On the way to ballet one sunny weekday in April, a special report comes on the radio that Kurt Cobain has committed suicide. I am crushed.

5 years ago:
I am 19 and just about to quit my waitressing job at the Grand Concourse due to fuckingsickofthisshititis. Fairly recent resignation from ballet still gives me nightmares and depression. I write some really bad poetry about it. My parents have been separated for a year. I live with my mother in a crappy apartment in Oakmont. I go to Richmond to visit Stacey and drink pretty much nonstop while I'm there. We throw a huge and legendary party that is still spoken of in hushed tones today. I discover Target. Clint and I have just started going out and having sex in his stuffy little room above Little Chicago's Pizza (aka Castle Gayskull) on the South Side. I end up spending most of my free time/living there with him. I fall in love with him fast but am increasingly uncomfortable by his utter lack of cultural knowledge. Memorable quotes include, “Who's Aretha Franklin? Who's Van Morrison?” *shudder* I will begin college at Pitt in the fall. I go on birth control pills and my breasts explode. I buy my first computer and quickly fall in love with L'Internet. CCeallaigh@aol.com is born, causing many to say, “How the hell do you pronounce that?” I am about to move into an apartment with an old ballet friend, Anne. Her boyfriend and I clash, I place a ladybug on his marijuana plant. I faint and throw up in the lobby of Jimmy Tsang's Chinese Restaurant due to some kind of food poisoning. I am horribly embarrassed.

3 years ago:
I am 21. I am drinking a good bit but probably a normal amount for a 21-year-old. I am recovering from a rough fall semester, during which my grades plummeted. I manage to pull myself up and score a spot on the Dean's List. My weight has fluctuated since ceasing BCP and taking up drinking. Clint and I broke up in November, but I occasionally still hear from him. He has moved back to the Poconos. At the boyfriend's persuasion (though, obviously he wasn't the boyfriend at the time) I am dating/sleeping with/being used by Geoff, who manages to drive me a little crazier with each passing day. A brief, ill-advised affair with Tad begins, but is soured when he tells me that his mother would hate me. We remain on speaking terms for only a few more months. Frank is coming in and out of town and staying at my house, resulting in late late late nights full of senseless but heartwarming conversation and drives through Oakland to sniff the air and pet dinosaurs. I am having trouble finding a job for the summer. I get a new computer.

1 year ago:
I am 23 and caring for my 4-month-old son, who I am psychotically in love with. He and I are living with the boyfriend in a charming apartment in Squirrel Hill, which has a lovely view of the Temple from our bedroom window. We live with Jessica and Phoenix but never see them. I am doing well in school and struggling to lose weight…again. I watch a lot of TV due to many hours spent on the couch nursing my son. Because of the roommate and various financial situations, it soon becomes apparent that we will have to move out of this apartment. Life is seemingly in constant upheaval. I continue to battle the residual effects of post-partum depression. There are days when I can barely speak, but I am determined to come out of it. I feel at times severely isolated from my friends and family. kdiddy@chemlab.org is born.

Yesterday:
I am recovering from the post-graduation celebration and writing a piece for Pulp. My son walks around, babbling, and trying to get hurt. I do not see the boyfriend due to his commitments to his grandmother and a change in his work schedule. I miss him immensely. yes, I am still that in love with him. My mom and I squabble about housework. I do not make my bed. I struggle with my weight.

Tomorrow:
Will be interesting. The boyfriend's car has finally bit the big one so I imagine whatever we do will be within walking distance. My son will walk around, babbling, pooping, trying to get hurt. I will call to make appointments for my driving test and with my gynecologist. I will work on preparations for big huge graduation parties on Saturday. I will do laundry. I will struggle with my weight.

I hadn't even heard about this shit. Jay Leno's a moron anyway and he treats his band like a bunch of servants. I think Conan and Letterman should gang up and kill him. Eubanks should also grow a pair and smash in that huge dome with his guitar.

My son just picked up a piece of junk mail that I got today, licked it, then farted.
Brain.
Damage.

it's not as coy.

The baby is down for his nap. I'm just taking a few moments to myself to enjoy a roll of Smarties and a Diet Vanilla Coke. Then I'm marching upstairs, straightening up my room before I head back down to the basement to do laundry. The laundry. never. ends. I swear it wasn't this bad when it was just the boyfriend, the baby, and me. It's all my mom's fault.
bluuuuuuuhhhhhhh
had a cool survey. I might do that…but not right now.

As this was happening I made a mental note to jot it down in LJ, but of course I forgot. After the main cap and gown ceremony there was a smaller ceremony for just the CAS graduates. It was pretty lame, much-needed hors d'oeuvres, getting our names called and then receiving this diploma holder thing from various Deans whom I've never once seen in all of my years at Pitt. As I was coming off of the stage, my grandfather was waiting to give me a congratulatory hug. Now, he's 80 years old and he's still in excellent shap, physically and mentally. But he had been over at the Pittsburgh Athletic Association enjoying glasses of scotch while the main ceremony was dragging on. When he has a drink or two in him he becomes this combination of feeble old man and beligerent relative who says a little too much…you're not sure whether to pat him on the head or kick him in the shins. As I came off of the stage, my grandfather grabs me, pecks me on the cheek and says, right in my ear, “Men everywhere should be very nervous when they see all of these women getting degrees.”

I didn't know what to say. I think I replied, “Oh, um, is that so?” and then scurried over to the rest of my family.
My family is so goofy.

I just realized that Mother's Day is fast approaching. amazon.com, guide my sword. Although, I'm really not sure what to get for my mother…books, I'm thinking no because I bought her an assload of books for Christmas and she's only read one of them so far. Maybe a subscription to one of those girly, decorating magazines? She's hard to shop for. Clothes are out because she has to fit everything for herself. She doesn't like to get any house-related items for holidays. Maybe a movie…but what? Argh. Flowers are kind of a waste and she'll get some from my grandmother anyway. I'd like to do something crafty but I'm pretty bad about those kinds of things. I know she really wants some of those wall shelves from Pottery Barn. But I probably only have enough money to buy her one. That would be lame. “Happy Mother's Day! Here's a shelf.” dur.
By the way, Satan won out last night. I did not go down and finish my laundry. I wonder if the baby might like to talk a walk to the laundromat with me so I can wash those two big comforters of mine in the Speed Queens…

I'm not sure what posessed me to do this. I stole it off of Thanks.

1) Who should play you in a movie about your life?: Lauren Ambrose. She rocks me.
2) What do you use to wash your hair?: usually fancy shampoo and conditioner but, as mentioned before, I've been usin Le Pert Plus. My hair's been looking pretty crazy.
3) Your face?: some fancy face wash that my grandmother deals me.
4) Who's your favorite Golden Girl?: Dorothy
5) Do you know how to play poker?: Not really. My grandfather taught me a bunch of times but it's never stuck.
6) What class did you cut the most in high school?: I think all in all, it's probably my senior english class. Our teacher had a heart attack around February so we had a sub. She never did anything with us so I skipped that class for about a whole month. But my senior year I was pretty truant altogether.
7) Invite 3 people to dinner: Margaret Cho, Eddie Izzard, Aaron McGruder. Fuck. Yeah.
8) Favorite incense flavor: Nag Champa?
9) Age you first shaved: I think 11? I remember cutting myself shaving while taking a bath on Christmas Eve. I made up some shit about cutting it on the drain so that my mom wouldn't find out.
10) What color nail polish are you wearing right now?: Wow, this is one of like five times in my life I've worn nail polish. It's really pale pink, practically clear.
11) Coolest animal you've seen up close: Chuckles.
12) Favorite standup comedian: Eddie Izzard/Margaret Cho tie.
14) First letter or digit of your license plate: don't got one.
15) Describe your dream wedding: me, the boyfriend, heinz chapel, stunning dress. I could go into more details but it would be boring.
16) First store you run to at the mall: the food court. I fucking hate the mall, though.
17) Ever been to a strip club?: yes
18) Do you wear a watch?: yes
19) Do you know how to tie a tie?: kinda
20) Ever see a UFO?: no
21) Cooking fiasco: Probably when I cooked dinner for the boyfriend's mother's birthday. The boyfriend found out there was mustard (a condiment he detests) in the sauce and refused to eat it. I was crushed. A four-hour long arugment ensue. so. fucking. stupid.
22) Thoughts on Eminem: I just don't even know.
23) Do you own any diamonds?: A pair of earrings that my dad gave me awhile ago. They're from JC Penney. How hot is that? Any more diamonds that I own I would like to inherit. I don't think I'm down with anymore diamonds being mined. It's not like hand-me-downs will be in bad shape, you know?
24) What do you carry with you at all times?: my George Kostanza wallet.
25) Ever smoke a cigar?: Does a Swisher Sweet count? Then yes.
26) Do you snore?: No.
27) Talk in your sleep?: every now and then, yes.
28) Gum- fruity or minty?: Extra Winterfresh Plen-T-Pak. bitch.
29) How do you drive?: nervously.
30) Can you drive stick?: no.
31) Best Elvis song: Don't Believe the Hype by Public Enemy.
32) What do you miss most about being little?: Getting up early on summer mornings, getting dressed, wolfing down breakfast so that I could get outside and play for as long as possible.
33) Whom would you call to bail you out of jail?: The boyfriend. But I can't imagine that situation ever coming true.
34) Cartoon character you'd date: Kim Basinger's character in Cool World.
35) Musical collaboration you'd most like to see: Oh, I'm stumped. Let me think of something really good and I'll get back to you.
36) Are you allergic to anything?: Not officially.
37) Perfume or cologne you wear most?: I generally don't.
38) Can you draw/sketch?: Not a lick.
39) Carnival food: funnel cake
40) Who did you want to be as a child?: Wonderwoman.

Tonight, on a complete whim, I decided to attend to my sorely neglected CD collection. Over the past year, I've moved twice. Since I had a baby the past couple of moves, details like my CDs have fallen to the wayside. Back in the day, my CDs would be alphabetized and separated by genre. Considering that I have something like 500 CDs, this is a pretty monstrous obsession. But now, cases sit empty, CDs lie around collecting dust without their cases, some cases hold two or three CDs. It's a mess.
I started out basic tonight, just going through all of the cases that I have in this room and seeing which ones held the right CD, an additional CD, or were empty. It went pretty well, but I'm still sitting here with a pile of empty cases. They are:

-Tom Waits “Closing Time.” This is particularly concerning since I just listened to this the other day. now I can't find it. I swear to god, my house just eats things.

-OST “Singles.” Also particularly concerning since I inherited this CD from Frank and it is one of my favorite albums ever.

-Vince Guaraldi “A Charlie Brown Christmas.” I'm not sure what happened there. There's a copy of this in my room and I believe it's my mom's. I don't know where this CD could have disappeared to.

-Bob Dylan “Greatest Hits.” I have no idea.

-The Doors “Waiting for the Sun.” I don't know where this could have gone, especially since I haven't listened to the Doors in about 7 years.

-Nick Drake “Bryter Layter” and “Way to Blue.” I'm really hoping these are at my dad's house. These are excellent summer albums.

-Godspeed You Black Emperor (I don't know where the ! goes.) “Lift Yr. Skinny Fists Like Antennas to Heaven!” Disc 1. I have no idea.

-Ben Folds Five “Whatever and Ever Amen.” This seems to really have disappeared into thin air. I dled it a couple of months ago because I was in my yearly winter Ben Folds funk and needed it. I'd like to have the CD back, though.

-Nina Simone “The Best of.” I don't know.

-Al Green “Greatest Hits.” Essential baby-makin' music. Not that I'm trying to make anymore babies anytime soon…but…you know…

-Weezer “Pinkerton.” Eeeek!

Crap. I just remembered that I have laundry downstairs.
*Don't do it, just go to bed.*
*Stop it, Satan.*

groan.

I just found my Have a Few, Get Some CD. Oh yeah. Patrick Swayze like a motherfucker.