This commercial has been shown pretty frequently lately during Steeler games:
Yeah.
Also, me being all laryngitised up makes for some pretty pathetic game watching. I try to cheer and it sounds like a dying camel or something.
I had a birthday party last night…and that’s all I really know for sure. Depending on your perspective, I really did it up right or horribly wrong.
Via text in the midst of everything:
Frank: Woooooooo
Me: Woooooopppopo omg my throat hurts so bad champagne
Me: Looking several kinds of sloppy
Frank: playaz grab your dicks if you love hip hop ladies rub your titties if you love big poppa
Frank: Are you surrounded by criminals high rollers heavy hitters and sheisty individuals?
Me: Something like that. OMFG I’m 30.
Frank: OMG
Frank: Thirty is the new twenty-one.
Me: OMFG Barack Obama
Frank: Omg rave
Me: Lizard britches
Frank: Sloppy cock
Frank: Poopy
Me: Drizzunk. Am totally.
Frank: Excellent
Frank: Slizober
Frank: I should go to sleep before I get in trouble again.
Me: Just puked the rest of my 20s out.
Frank: Augh
Me: Good riddance
Frank: I bet you still look hot
Me: Yeah totally *horf*
Frank: You’ll feel better if you
Frank: Tittys
Then this morning with Tracey:
Sweetney: did you at least have fun before puking?
me: yes very much
Sweetney: oh good!
me: and i must say that i deal with puking much better in my old age
Sweetney: “oh let’s just get this over with already…”
me: i very calmly got up and went to the bathroom off of the dining room and i’m like, “HWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK COUGH COUGH” and the husband goes, “are you barfing?”
“GWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUCHHHH”
Sweetney: hahaha
me: “kelly! are. you. barfing.” it was the dumbest “conversation” ever
Sweetney: hilarious
me: no i’m singing!
Sweetney: that’s from an aboriginal tune, it’s very EARTHY
me: it’s tuvan throat singing! but with extra bile!
Sweetney: hahaa
I’m definitely in the midst of a “never drinking again” spiral of regret and unfortunate sick outfits and my voice is completely gone. But I had so much fun. The husband and some of our other friends played records and were sure to play all of my favorites and it was so fantastic to have so many of my favorite people in one place for the first time in I don’t know how long. I think I got overly mushy near the end of the night and if that made anyone squirm, sorry. But like 75% of what I said was true.
Yesterday was mostly pretty awesome. I got so much love and birthday wishes. We got our house looking pretty cool:
I like having decorations for holidays but I don’t have any…creative vision, I guess. Nor do I have any patience for that sort of thing. Oddly enough the husband usually pulls those things together. He’s fancy like that.
I think this was the first year that the baby really got into trick-or-treating. He came away with a really impressive haul. We had a lot of trick-or-treaters, definitely more than in past years. Weirdly enough, a lot of them complimented me on the jack-o-lanterns, all of which I ended up carving myself while the husband was at the ER with his severed tendons and whatnot (horf). I mean, sure, they looked decent, but they were just the usual triangles and toothy grins. Occasionally, I switched it up with some circles. But these kids were all, “Wow, did you carve these yourself?” I don’t know. Maybe with those fancy patterns everywhere, these jack-o-lanterns are all throwback and shit.
We stopped down to the mother-in-law’s and while we were there some crappy head cold just descended on the husband and me. It was weird. We were fine and then all of sudden we both felt awful. We came home and I fell asleep at like 10:30 or something. I guess it helped since I don’t feel too terrible today.
The Pumpkin King rests after another successful Halloween.
I need to catch up on my shared items! Since October 29th:
God Hates Signs protest waged against Westboro Baptist Church
Are you talkin’ to ME? My note: “Thackeray Hall? I wonder if this was at Pitt.”
Ice Cube signs on for NBC cop comedy My note: “Wait. What?”
Wonkette: Jesus people pray that false idol will save God’s economy My note: “good luck with that, assholes.”
The Libby My note: “Somebody make me this.”
Drew’s Due My note: “I can already see the defense for this as some kind of twisted interpretation of free speech. Being a bully to people your own age is one thing. Bullying a kid when you’re an adult is just fucking messed up. I hope this asshole gets hit with a baseball bat many times.”
RA: The good, the bad, and the deep: Rick Wade My note: “My husband bit my style and became a writer.”
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia: Charlie & Mac sing the song from Ferris Bueller My note: “HAAAAAAAAAAAA I’ve seen bits and pieces of this show and I’ve always ended up in tears from the awesome, promising myself to start watching it regularly and forgetting but now I must renew my commitment to this show and run-on sentences and candy.”
In Videos: Anti-Candy Corn Song My note: “Sigh. I miss the days of Noggin.”
10 Castration Scenes from Movies As a card-carrying feminazi, I consider this important research. I’ve only seen three of these, though. I’m slacking.
Welcome to Britney’s “Circus” My note: “I had to say “If You Seek Amy” fast like 50 times before I got it. These kids today and their innuendos.”
Not pictured: extremely sore throat. Ow.
Of course, I don’t feel older yet, but I did wake up early which is…kind of a first for me. Now it’s only a matter of time before I’m going to bed at 7 p.m. just so I can wake up at 4 a.m. because, to quote my cheery grandmother, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”
But I just want to point out that I took a picture of my 30-year-old self at 6ish in the morning. Just for you. Because I love the internerds and being able to document even the most insignificant details of my life has been such an awesome exercise so far. I started blogging when I was just a wee 23-year-old with a tiny baby and a world of confusion. Now I’m…uh…well the morning’s no time for self-reflection.
Since our life is such a comedy of errors, the husband will spend a good portion of today with an orthopaedic surgeon. He sliced his pinky right good while we were carving pumpkins last night and wasn’t able to move the joints above the cut. I told him that he probably cut a tendon and needed to go the ER, but first he sat down and googled his condition, which I found really amusing.
Happy Halloween, dudes. I hope you all are in sugar comas by sundown!
The department head gave me a copy of Medea.
My personal ad, if I were to have one, would be like:
Kelly, 30
Looking for: origins of words and motherfuckers to stab. Hit me up via email. Peace.
One of the profs just gave me this book as an early birthday present. I definitely squee’d. Think that makes me a nerd?
I was reading about photic sneeze reflex because I sneeze nearly every morning when I wake up and it’s been like that for as long as I can remember. Essentially, I am allergic to being awake and I think I need to parlay this into a doctor’s excuse from, like, life and stuff.
So, dude! I’m turning 30 in less than 48 hours. I feel like I should…I don’t know…squeeze in a couple ill-advised relationships and get some high-interest credit cards and binge drink in the next few days before all of that stuff magically switches from charming anecdotal material to outright stupidity.
I was thinking yesterday about how I’m pretty reserved on this blog. On my LJ, I used to rant often and extensively about anything that was on my mind. I really don’t do that here at all. There are a lot of circumstantial reasons for that, mostly me being busy with work and school and life and just not having the time or energy to sit down and write just for recreation.
I think it also has a lot to do with me just not really knowing who’s reading this and just feeling kind of protective of what I put out here. I will admit outright that I’m insecure and while I definitely feel myself giving less of a fuck about other people’s opinions of me as I get older, it’s a hard habit to break when you’ve been like that your whole life.
And, of course, I have my professional reputation and the reputation of the people close to me to think about. I’m probably even a little too careful about censoring myself in the fear of me doing something that I love to do, namely writing with an (mostly) interactive audience, affecting my life and career. I often worry that my profanity could cause problems, but I honestly don’t think so.
Anyway, I think the space on the internet that is most “me” these days is Google Reader. I subscribe to an obscene number of sites. I’m like Johnny 5 in Short Circuit. I need input. I would read or otherwise absorb information about almost anything all day if I could. One of my favorite things about Google Reader is sharing stuff that I find interesting and reading the stuff that my friends share. I’ve been thinking recently that it would be really fun to post just a list of stuff that I share in Reader on here once a day, since while I don’t always have time to update here, I’m always reading stuff.
In order to do that, I feel the need to sort of re-introduce myself to those of you that only know me from this space and didn’t interact with me on LJ. I’m sure it’s no surprise that I’m a registered Democrat, and I remain so despite having serious qualms with the party and their pussyfooting. I’m actually far more to the left and I wouldn’t bat away any accusations of being, ideologically, a socialist. It’s just how I get down. I will admit that my misanthropy seems to clash with a lot of my politics, but I don’t know. I dislike most people, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want them to have health care or an education or just to be able to live a good life.
I’m not exactly pro-Obama. I like the guy. I think he’ll make a decent president and I hope he wins. I do have serious qualms with his stance against gay marriage and the telecom immunity bullshit. My respect for his obvious intellect and compassion does not erase the fact that I know that he is a politician and is in it to win this thing. But I’m choosing to view his more questionable moves as tactical means to an end.
I really dislike McCain and Palin and just the whole MO of the GOP at this point in time. I know why millions of people will vote for them, but I’ll be frank and say that I think that’s a dumb move.
So, all of that is to serve as a sort of disclaimer that a lot of what I’ll be posting here from Reader will be anti-McCain/Palin and, you know, I’m sorry if you have a problem with that but please don’t see that as an invitation to hit me back with some anti-Obama stuff. Not only is most of that just plumb moronic, but it’s directed at the wrong person.
Besides, I’m turning 30 soon and I see that as my pass to start telling people to get the fuck out of my face with that bullshit.
So, to start off, here’s a selection of what I’ve shared this week so far:
As Abstinence Pledges Falter, A New “Middle Class Morality” Emerges
Economic miracle, environmental disaster
Domestic Violence Awareness Month and the Hudson family tragedy
Irony Overload: Hottie Reality Show Contestant Complains About Sexism
How Media Deregulation Kidnapped Natalee Holloway
Ancient mummy hair suggests drug use (aka ancient motherfuckers be trippin’)
Hooman gets in, goes away, returns with fishez
Excessive water consumption is b.s. My comment on reader: “word. i hate drinking water just to drink water and i’m glad i don’t have to feel “guilty” for not doing so anymore.”
Sandra Schultz Newman and some bullshit
Giant Candy Corn Still for Sale. My comment on reader: “they’re still for sale because that shit’s fucking stupid. then again…I’m actually surprised they haven’t shown up on my street yet.”
12 Abandoned Houses, Homes, and Ghost Towns
I should also point out that a LOT of what I share first comes to me via Angela who might possibly be a more voracious reader than I am. She finds the best stuff and she needs to be hired by someone who will pay her obscene amounts of money to do so.
The baby won “Most Funny” (seriously, that was the name of his category) at the neighborhood Halloween parade yesterday. He felt particularly triumphant after going home empty-handed last year and was rewarded with a $25 gift certificate to any business on the main boulevard that is a member of the local chamber of commerce which means he can get…uh…maybe an ice cream cone. Or what might happen is I’ll say to him, “Take mommy to the nail shop to get a fill-in and some airbrush. I want to get a beach scene on my right hand and I think ‘Water Lilies’ on my left. Chop chop.”
Or maybe he can go to the corner store that is a very poor front operation and buy some used jelly shoes and some chips.
We went to see the Zack and Miri premiere at the Oaks last night and it was so good. I’ve heard that it’s not been getting very good reviews which is just stupid. It’s so funny and really classic Kevin Smith. He did a Q&A afterward and was really funny and interesting.
After watching the movie and driving through “the wrong side of Pittsburgh,” I got a really strong swell of love for the city. It really is an awesome place to be.
I’m going to go bake a pie.
I feel kind of stupid mentioning how tired I am today when my dad underwent a six-hour surgery yesterday and had parts of his body removed, but I am tired.
I just talked to my dad a little bit ago. He’s on morphine, which is only kind of helping with the pain. The doctors have to hear back from pathology before they can tell us more, though they think he will need at least a little bit of chemotherapy.
I was at the hospital for about 12 hours yesterday, most of that spent in the waiting room watching soap operas and Oprah and the news and one of those dancing competition shows and Inside Edition and the news, all of which shared the screen with scrolling updates of the patients. I’m not sure how I got it in my head that his operation would only take an hour or two. That was stupid of me.
I did get some quality people-watching in, though it was obviously much more introspective and somber than my normal variety. A number of families were there waiting for loved ones who were also having cancer surgeries and throughout my long day there I got to hear the nurse on duty talk with each of them.
“He has a great family that cares about him. That’s 90% of the battle right there. Just take one day at a time.”
“He has a great family that cares about him. That’s 90% of the battle right there. Just take one day at a time.”
“She has a great family that cares about her. That’s 90% of the battle right there. Just take one day at a time.”
I began to dread hearing those words, especially since it was possible that she would rattle off her Yogi Berra/AA-hybrid speech to me, and especially since the cloud of that speech always settled like a hard mist on a family in shock. Newly devastated. Terrified.
I didn’t get to see my dad after surgery. He was in the recovery room for several hours while the nurses tried to get his pain under control. The husband and the baby had come after school and the baby needed to go to bed. I was feeling really raw this morning and flinched whenever someone spoke to me. I didn’t want to talk to anyone at work, since it all seemed especially meaningless and stupid.
About a day after I found out about my dad’s cancer, one of the guys in my grad program found out that his mom has cancer. Her prognosis is very grim, though, so I guess in the sick arena of My Parent Has Cancer, I win this round. He and I have been checking in on each other, though. Sitting next to each other class. I keep wanting to ask him if he feels since the same disconnect that I do when our classmates joke with each other. It seems weird that this whole thing doesn’t make me feel completely vulnerable and childlike. I just want him to be okay.
Anyway. Onward. Thank you everyone for all of your kind words and encouragement yesterday. My dad has a lot of people rallying around him, but every positive thought helps.
