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Someone left a box of that new Orville Redenbacher’s Naturals popcorn here. I just tried some of the Buttery Salt and Cracked Pepper variety. It’s pretty good, even if most of the pepper sticks to the inside of the bag.

Which reminds me of reason #65 why my hair is awesome (in that sarcastic sense): when I eat stuff like popcorn or anything that can produce light crumbs, that stuff sometimes falls in my hair, where I fail to notice it. And I will blissfully walk around with half of my lunch in my hair like some crazy slob. Usually nobody points this out to me and I can’t really blame them. I mean, who wants to have a conversation that starts out, “Um, did you mean to put ham in your hair?” which is a statement only a short hop away from, “Are you aware that you just shit your pants?”

Also good: the new Erykah Badu album.

Goodnight, Myron. Yoi. You are amazing.

Could somebody explain to me why my son’s school has a 2-hour delay this morning? It’s in the mid-30s and the only thing they’re predicting for today is some rain. If I’m not mistaken, we live in Pittsburgh and rain is kind of a given. I’m left to believe it’s because the school officials exist to screw up my mornings.

…there are no happy endings…

I guess it should, but this story doesn’t make me angry at all. Just sad.

My mushy and idol-rific review of Be Kind, Rewind will be up on MamaPop later today, but there’s a small story to go along with it.

When we pulled into the parking lot of the movie theater, we parked next to a small pick up truck that was slightly askew in its space. I unbuckled my seat belt and as I did so I heard some hearty chuckling. As I went to open my door, I saw the driver’s side door of the truck open and realized that the chuckling was coming from the driver. And the driver was not wearing any clothes.

The driver made the universal motion for us to roll down our window, which the husband did because he has no sense. The driver explained that he had been at work and some friends were bringing him a change of clothes and he was trying to hold that spot for them.

We parked somewhere else and the friends showed up a few seconds later. The driver told them that we were the only people who tried to park next to him the whole time he was sitting there. As we walked past, he shouted out another apology and the husband responded, “It’s cool. But keep clothes with you!” I wondered why it was necessary to sit in his truck without clothes. Were his friends like, “We’ll be there soon. BE NAKED!”

…

So, how about them Oscars, huh? I hung out on MamaPopTalk for the most part. I was really pleased the Javier Bardem and Daniel Day-Lewis won and that the Coen brothers won for both directing and best picture. No Country for Old Men really does own. And There Will Be Blood won for best cinematography which was well-deserved. The scene where the well explodes and the boy goes deaf was just amazingly well shot and composed.

But the whole show was really dull. I think they need to let Gary Busey host, since he was the source of the most excitement the whole night. Or Helen Mirren. Helen Mirren rocks my world. That dress was amazing and she actually had the balls to say that AT THE OSCARS that the roles for men are always better than the roles for women.

…is amazing. Why can’t Michel Gondry direct everything?

I get a decent amount of visitors to my site who stumble upon it by searching for “the white man marching on” and find themselves at this post. Tonight, I had two such visitors right next to each other. One was from Austria and the other was from Germany.

Awesome.

The husband has a new mix up here. The baby and I are listening to it as we assemble skeleton knights for some Lego castle.

Tax preparation went well last night. I called to let them know that we were running late and the woman that I talked to said, “Okay, thanks Kerry!” Then when I got there I was called up by another woman who referred to me as “Kayla.” I’m just going to adopt multiple personalities to go with all of the names that people call me.

The lady who handled us was Russian and kind of awesome. I don’t know if I mentioned this on here or not, but I used to be a ballet dancer and she reminded me a lot of one of the Russian teachers I had when I was little, not only because they had the same name (Valentina), but also because they both had long, intimidating fake nails and odd shades of lipstick.

Anyway, I totally blew the mind of Valentina the tax preparer when I told her that my husband would be joining us in a few minutes and that, no, we didn’t need to wait for him to get started because I am the primary taxpayer. “Well, there’s no ‘Mrs. & Mr.’ categories in our software. Only ‘Mr. & Mrs.’ because not many women are in charge of the money.”

I instinctively straightened my poodle skirt and wondered if the other girls from the typing pool encountered this same problem.

But whatevs. Valentina got us a pretty decent refund AND taught my son how to say “how are you” and “good-bye” in Russian.

We ended not going to the movies because the roads were sucking and the husband’s cold was reaching new, grosser proportions. He sneezed in the car at one point and snot was splattered on the steering wheel, his shirt, and dangling from his beard. It’s really not appropriate in public.

The baby’s school is killing me with these two-hour delays. And how is it that the weather only gets really crappy on Friday mornings, when I have a 9 a.m. lab? I wasn’t that late this morning, only about 10 minutes. But I had to rush to get set up in Dreamweaver, which I’d never used before, with the help of one of the assistants and then I missed some crucial step so that uploading my edits to the page just wasn’t happening. Or something. And I didn’t know how to explain this problem other than, “Ur doin’ it wrong. No, actually, I’m doin’ it wrong. Halp!”

Also, the rain and cold are making my knees ache so bad. I’m feeling about 300 years old here.

The husband and I are going to go see Be Kind, Rewind tonight. I’m so excited! I kind of hate Jack Black but I feel like the presence of Mos Def and the direction of Michel Gondry will help balance him out.

We were going to make a whole date out of the evening and use these gift cards for Morton’s that my grandparents gave us. But the husband has this disgusting cold and can’t smell anything. And there’s really no point in getting a steak if you can’t taste it.

Besides, we’re getting our taxes done right after work and I’m sure after all of that excitement we won’t have much of an appetite.

Speaking of movies, we watched Basket Case the other night. Oh my god, so awesomely wonderfully bad. There’s claymation AND full-frontal wang. And that, my friends, is what makes America great.

Almost forgot: MamaPop is having an Oscars extravaganza on Sunday night. Come hang out n’at.

Hi Kelly,

By accepting Pittsburgh Bars as your friend, you will be able to send Pittsburgh Bars personal messages, view Pittsburgh Bars’s photos and blog, and interact with each other’s friends and network!

Wow, all of them? All of the bars in Pittsburgh want to be my friend? I feel special. And alcoholic.

Also, here’s a short list of awesome things that happened since 8:30 a.m.:

1) flat tire
2) lost nose ring while blowing my nose. I’ve done this twice now.