Awesome way to start my weekend

August 3rd, 2007

I took the bus home tonight and while I was walking through downtown to catch my second bus, I passed by a guy who was blaring white power music from his car. The song was to the tune of “Glory, Glory Hallelujah,” and the chorus was something about the white man marching on. I’m fairly certain that’s on some White Power Greatest Hits compilation since it was featured in American History X and I’m fairly certain I heard it on some When Rural Skinheads Attack! type show on the Discovery Channel or some shit.

I looked over in surprise when I heard it and the guy and I made eye contact. He sneered at me. And I was totally intimidated by his defiance (not).

I think that there must be someone on top of that small speck of dust.

August 3rd, 2007

In the long and illustrious history of me having conflicting emotions and restless nights over Dumb Shit, my angst over the transition from Live Journal to my own blog has to be some of the silliest nonsense ever. I cried over quitting horrible jobs where I was misused. I cried when I graduated from middle school, which was responsible for two of the most miserable years of my life. This morning, I teared up a little bit thinking about writing what will basically be my last post over there.

Comparing my LJ to such bad things as abusive employers and teachers isn’t really fair, since I was never miserable there, but I know that I am tired of the whole thing and I can’t shake the sense that it’s time to move on. I’m concerned that most of the people with whom I’ve made connections with on LJ will no longer care what I blather on about over here. Over five and half years, I’ve read along as the people who I know on some weird detached level of intimacy have fallen in and out of love, married, divorced, gotten pregnant, had miscarriages and abortions, had babies, found new jobs or lost old jobs. And in that time a handful of people have followed along as I went from an insecure, young mother to…an insecure, slightly older mother. I also, you know, graduated college, got some jobs, bought a house, got married, tumbled through some horrible depression, started grad school. I know I’m not totally boring. I just don’t know if I’m engaging enough at this point to build a whole new motley crew.

But all of that whining aside, I am really excited to be here in my own space.

test

July 13th, 2006

testing this out.

143580

December 31st, 2003

I was kind of disappointed that I didn't get a chance to make a proper entry yesterday since I had some funny stories to tell. But the whole neck thing was making computer use a little difficult. Also, between my two-year-old son and 49-year-old mother, someone is constantly at my heels yipping about something. Right now, however, my son is napping (for the first time in about a week and a half) and my mom is distracting herself with something in the kitchen. The boyfriend, who I think I've seen all of five minutes since Sunday evening, is at work. I'm going to try to squeeze in an entry before my mom comes up here and tries to make me do something arbitrary since she hates to see me relaxed.\
Sunday afternoon, we went out to my grandparents' house to visit with some of our cousins. Thomasina and Eric, who are my second cousins, have six kids. All boys. Ages 1-10. Yeah. Great parents, great children but I look at them sometimes and think, “What the FUCK?” They have a set of twins, Jared and Cullen, who are 9. Cullen is very inquisitive and when I say “inquisitive” I mean “nosy”. He really likes to ask questions that, at his age, are pretty cute, but if were anyone over the age of, say, 13, it would be very, very rude. A few summers ago, we were all basking in the lake at Conneaut. I had recently announced to my extended family that I had a bun in the oven. Cullen, at that point already entirely steeped in Catholic education, was confused, since he knew that the boyfriend and I were not married. He looked at me and asked, “How can you have a baby if you're not married?” I blushed and told him to ask his parents. He and his twin brother were also constantly amazed at how someone of my advanced age would still be in school. Granted, I started college late and it took me an extra year due to my royal fuck-up in College Algebra and that whole baby thing and, at times, it did seem as though I had been in college for decades, but still…\
Every time I saw Cullen, he would ask me, “Are you still in school?” Now that I've finally graduated college he has focused all of his energy on my marriage, or lack thereof. I'm guessing that he just really wants to be in a wedding or an excuse to wear a tuxedo and dance to ABBA at a reception while all of the grownups are acting stupid. His only immediate hope for a wedding is me. It's amazing that, of all the traditional people in my family, the most marriage pressure I'm getting is from my 9-year-old cousin. Anyway, within five minutes of walking in the door, Cullen looked at me and said, “Did you and the boyfriend get married yet?” apparently terrified that we would go and get married on the sly and use some other little boy for ringbearer or whatever short boys do in weddings. I told him no, but that he would be the first to know.* The boyfriend told him “by the time you're 18,” (ooh! looks like we have a date! ;-p) and that seemed to quell his fears.\
Later on in the afternoon, as the baby and I were playing, Cullen looked at me with his eyebrows furrowed and asked, “Did you breastfeed the baby?” I was a little stunned, but stammered, “Um, yes.” He nodded and said that that was “good.” I was happy to have his approval…I guess.\
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Yesterday, not too much was accomplished, and the neck pain had me in a pretty foul mood for most of the day. I did manage to drag myself down to CMU to fill out my citizenship form and W-4 (ugh). I did receive a visit from and which was nice. I felt that I wasn't at my witties, however, and was slightly relieved when they left. Not because I don't like them (I lurve them gals), I just didn't feel like I was being very entertaining. ;-p\
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Today I had a few errands to run, namely exchanging some bras that my mother gave me for Christmas. She underestimated my cuppage and overestimated by bandwidth(?). In any case, my tits looks very nice now. The cashier tried to convince me to buy the accompanying “panties” which were of the itsy-bitsy thong variety. I don't think I did a good job of hiding my horror. Nothing against you thong-enthusiasts, but I just don't get it. Grocery shopping was also needed. After the lingerie exchange, I dashed into Bruegger's to grab some lunch for me, my mom and the baby. I got some of that Oregon Chai stuff, which was tasty while it was warm but by the time we got to Giant Eagle it had cooled off considerably and was no longer drinkable in my opinion. However, Giant Eagle doesn't seem to provide garbage cans for its customers, so I walked through that entire store with a cup of cold chai.\
At the beginning of our shopping excursion, I had dropped off my prescription for baby repellant. While my mom headed for the checkout aisle, I sauntered over to the pharmacy with the baby, thinking he needed to stretch his legs after being trapped in the shopping cart's basket for at least an hour. When we got to the pharmacy we were greeted with a line that rivalled the bread lines of yesteryear. I was shocked, but filed into place next to a cosmetics display. As we waited, the baby became restless. An elderly woman in front of us tried to talk to him but he got shy and requested that I pick him up. Still holding the cold chai, I set it down on the cosmetics display for a second so that I could scoop him up. Wouldn't you know that a rather portly elderly man tried to squeeze past to get into the drug line and knocked the chai off of the display. He, being a gentleman, exclaimed, “What in the hell was that?” I was embarrassed and didn't admit to the beverage being mine, but did grab the cup and put it back on the display. There was, however, a few small puddles of chai on the floor, and I did not know what to do about them. I didn't have any tissues or anything on me and if I left to go alert the staff to the spill I'd lose my place in line. So I just turned around and continued waiting. Then, of course, droves of elderly people with very brittle-looking hips and feeble tickers started heading for the drug line and I watched them walk past the spill and managed to avoid it. I was sure one of them was going to fall but they didn't.\
That disaster averted and baby repellant in hand, we left. I wanted to stop in a bookstore but I figured that the baby had had enough. Hopefully, the boyfriend will be able to take me to run some errands this week before I START MY NEW JOB ON MONDAY! EEEKKK!\
I'm starting to get kind of nervous now and I'm already missing the baby a little bit. The other night I had a nightmare that I was at my first day and my boss said, “Of course, you will be responsible for the laundry of the entire English Department.” *shudder*\
I'm going to go see what I can rustle up for dinner.\
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*Funnily enough, I was 9 when his parents were married and was dying to be a flower girl. When Thomasina actually called me with the formal offer, I was speechless.

neck and neck

December 30th, 2003

We may have a tie for best entry ever on Live Journal.\
http://www.livejournal.com/users/screaming_rose/153722.html

143001

December 29th, 2003

http://www.livejournal.com/users/spoonfeeding/53263.html\
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That entry right there ^, gets my vote for the best entry on all of Live Journal for 2003. I, a writer, am humbled.\
I don't have any specific reasons for why I like it so much, I just dig it in an extreme manner.

ow

December 29th, 2003

neck spasm this morning. can't move. much pain.

hooray

December 28th, 2003

My mom just handed me a card that had been sent to my dad's house. It's from one of my old ballet friends who I haven't seen or spoken with in years. I'm so excited that she's getting in touch with me. She doesn't know that I've had a baby and all, so this should be fun.\
Reconnecting owns.\
The beer is just so filling.\
*burp*\
Why am I awake?

too bad I'm at home

December 28th, 2003

I'm drinking that goofy dark beer that the boyfriend's mom gave us and listening to the Violent Femmes and feeling very hyper. Like I'm going to start doing all of the different hardcore dances from that Sick of it All video. Picking up dimes and skanking and whatnot.\
The boyfriend is still playing Tony Hawk and the baby went to bed early. I'm kind of bored and hopped up on Sour Patch Kids.\
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After many years of begging and pleading and waving away dismissals and disbelief, my mom gave me a buttonmaker. The great thing about this model is that it is geared toward 8-year-old girls. So, reading the directions and design suggestions I find myself thinking, “Oh! I could make buttons for my student council campaign! Or just an 'I Love New Kids on the Block!' button!” So far I've only made one button and it was for the boyfriend. It says simply, “FUCK AKIL” in honor of one of our friends who we kinda hate. Actually, it's appropriate since Akil spraypainted “FUCK THE BOYFRIEND” (but used the boyfriend's actual name) on the sides of several buildings in the upscale neighborhood of Shadyside. It looks hot. I am finally punk rock, even if my buttonmaker looks like something Hello Kitty shit out.\
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Cabbages. Knickers.\
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From left, me, , and our old roommate Jess at a rave (shut the fuck up) in Cleveland circa 2000. At that particular point in life, we were very, very insane. I made those shirts. I define crafty.

woohoo! bad mom!

December 27th, 2003

I'm letting the baby watch some teevee right now. He's still fighting off that cough and cold, he won't take a nap, and if I don't let him dose on some idiot box then he'll just run around until he's coughing and hacking his head off.\
So, yeah, we're just sitting here being some slobs. What the hell, it's vacation, right?\
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My grandparents gave him a Kinderzeat for Christmas and so far it's working out very nicely. The chair looks a little odd, but I think the babe prefers it to his old booster seat, and I suspect it will be much easier to clean. They are expensive, but I would recommend one.\
As an aside, this contraption looks pretty silly, but I kind of wish they would have had something like that when I was doing a lot of pumping. That way I could have at least read a book or something. Pumping can get kind of boring.\
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Anyway, I think my mom and I are trying to get moving on remodelling the bathroom. It's in pretty poor shape and there just wasn't any money to do anything with it when we moved in. I took the following pictures because I was going to enter us into an ugly bathroom contest. The prize was a $15,000 bathroom makeover. However, the website's entry form was all fucked and it was too late to do a regular paper entry. But yeah, you need to take a peek at this monstrosity.\
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That's just a general view of the ugliness.\
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Aren't those brown and orange flowers just a lovely touch to the decor?\
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The tile floor, which was probably very nice at one point but is now cracked and caked with duct tape glue.\
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The ceiling, which is being held up with packing tape. This also gives you a nice detailed view of the wallpaper.\
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I don't seem to have a picture of plumbing contraption on the tub, but trust me…it's bizarre.
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Must do laundry.