kdiddy.org

I had made a half-hearted promise to myself to impose a NaBloPoMo-type requirement for February, since I just don’t post here enough and it’s silly because this is my space. This is where I should hang out. I have a few more hours of February 1 and it’s a short month so I think I can swing it.

Today was one of those tough days, too many big things going on, too much grown-up stuff, too many realizations that the people who were the grown-ups for us aren’t always going to be around. It makes me feel vulnerable, like soon there won’t be any grown-ups left in the world, or maybe they were never there. Just big people who managed to make me feel okay.

This afternoon, I found my thoughts wandering to Sunday’s episode of Big Love. Bill’s mother is exhibiting signs of dementia and Barb says to him, “I’m strong. Let me shoulder some of this burden.” I didn’t feel at all strong or capable or grown-up until I was able to grab the husband’s hand and ask if he was okay. Later, he let me hug him a little longer than he usually does and I felt strong. I felt like I could shoulder some of his burden. I never think I can be strong until I just flex my heart muscle and carry some of this big world around.

The baby has not had a full day of school in close to two weeks due to various things like holidays, school closings, doctor’s appointments, and Surprise! Your Strep Test Is Positive! parties. I’m not entirely convinced that he has retained the ability to read.

On Sunday, I started displaying symptoms of the husband’s Man Cold that he was just getting over.

This resulted in me doing things like NotLaundry and NotGrocery Shopping. The husband and I both ended up passed out on the couch for a good two hours in the afternoon. During that time, the baby turned on Adventure Time and helped himself to a bag of Cheetos (aka our AFC Championship buffet). I half-opened one eye about 1.5 hours into my nap and mumbled, “Yo. Take it easy on those Cheetos, dude,” and went back to sleep. It was a proud moment for me as I have long yearned to reach the same level of parental competence as Britney Spears.

After a night of sleep that could only be described as, “Really weird…and moist,” I went to work yesterday fueled entirely by DayQuil. Aside from being rather drippy and cycling in and out of sweating spells, I felt surprisingly okay. But last night, I started to feel kind of woozy. I told the husband this and he cackled and told me that I had not yet reached the zenith of my sickness. Yay.

Speaking of parenting, over the winter break, I started watching…nay, devouring episodes of Intervention on Netflix. The husband finds this habit of mine entirely absurd and even I reached a point about halfway through season three where I thought, “I can’t watch this anymore.” The situation was so disturbing and I had a pretty sick feeling that we only knew the half of it. Just to be clear, I’m not referring to the episode featuring Sylvia, the alcoholic Southern belle. Though that episode was disturbing because when they first showed her cracking open a mini-bottle of vodka while driving, I said, “Holy shit, is that Lucille from Arrested Development? Is this like the April Fool’s episode of Intervention?” The resemblance was that uncanny.

See what I mean?

But the whole thing has me freaked out about parenting. I mean, plenty of the people featured on the show had some really horrible experiences and I don’t think anyone can blame them for just checking out of life. But then there are some people who had relatively good existences and then blam. “My mom pushed me to get good grades so I started doing heroin. My dad criticized my cooking this one time so now I weigh 30 pounds. My mom was tired that one time and couldn’t devote her entire consciousness to me so now I’m 90% Jack Daniels.”

I’m not terrified of the baby trying alcohol or even some drugs when he’s older. But I am scared of him finding any number of my imperfect behaviors devastating and running with that to the crack house. Now, every time I shout, “DO. YOUR. HOMEWORK!” I panic and hide all of the liquor. But I know I’m oversimplifying and overreacting. If something as crazy as addiction could be simply boiled down to bad parenting, I doubt it would be so hard to overcome. I just…I just see a bunch of people who love ya like crazy and they feel like they’re losin’ ya.

(Sigh. Right after I finished writing this, I had to angrily reclaim my iPhone from the baby after I asked for it three times so now I’m wondering what in our house can be used to cook up a shot.)

The baby was sick all weekend with some weird viral thing that the pediatrician diagnosed as “some crud.” Immediately after the Steeler game on Saturday, he puked, but that portion was mercifully over right away and replaced by a fever and sore throat. He was mostly better yesterday, but I kept him home.

Then last night, in the midst of cooking dinner (black bean soup, of all unpleasant visual things), this crap happened again. I’m now fairly certain that the culprit was not a virus but some protein mix that I had put into a smoothie both times that may have turned. I shuffled upstairs to brush my teeth and while I was in the bathroom, the baby adjusted the bed covers, laid a towel over my pillow like I do for him when he’s fighting stomach nastiness, placed a bucket next to the bed, then got some books out. When I came out of the bathroom, he splayed the books out in front of me, three Diary of a Wimpy Kid books and Tales of Beedle the Bard. “Mum, pick one,” he said. I picked the Beedle book. “Uh, not that one,” he replied. Then we climbed into bed and he read Diary of a Wimpy Kid to me while I closed my eyes and tried to think about all things non-vomitous.

It’s really nice to be taken care of sometimes.

Happy New Year!

What’s that? You say that 2011 is practically almost over already? Well, I’ll be…

Yes, this is my first post on here for 2011. My poor little blog. I started back to work after the winter break and felt completely spun around. I think it’s mostly seasonal. When the days are short, I get overwhelmed. In addition to the 9 to 5, I’m still writing at MamaPop,** plus I’m now officially the managing editor at We Covet. It’s a lot of work, but it’s good. And I feel like I’m really making use of my MA, which means a lot to me. But I’ve had literally no time for regular internet stuff and nearly cry every time I click “Mark all as read” on Google Reader.

But, really, not much has happened since we last spoke. I got a new retainer! I had a permanent one affixed to the back of my bottom teeth when I got my braces removed when I was…uh…13? And it was fine up until about September, when we were at a barbecue and someone made deep-fried corn on the cob. And I was like, “Put that in my face.” It was very tasty, but obviously harder than regular corn and it broke the wire on the retainer.

I went to my dentist to get it removed so that it wouldn’t cut up my mouth and then our conversation was like:

“Do you want to get another one?”

“Uh, is that what I should do?”

“Well, you don’t have to get it replaced.”

“Then what happens?”

“Well, your teeth will probably shift and that could cause serious problems down the road, from having to get braces again to getting teeth extracted.”

“Uh, so, it sounds like I should get it replaced.”

Like, why was I even presented with an option? When you go to the emergency room with a broken leg, do they get your opinion on whether or not you want a cast? No! They say, “I went to school for a million years so that I could be an expert in these situations, unlike you, who is still struggling to understand the nuances of the last Real Housewives episode. You’re getting a cast and some crutches and then I’ll tell you how long you’ll keep it on and then I’ll tell you how much physical therapy you need. You see this ‘M.D.’ after my name? That doesn’t stand for ‘Mad Dog,’ my friend.”

Anyway, getting an appointment with the orthodontist was a whole other ordeal because I had to keep rescheduling and then one day I went to the wrong location and another day the bus never came. But I finally got there and sat in a chair in an open room with lots of other exam chairs (are they standard for orthodontists?). And the orthodontist said, “So, your retainer broke and you would like to get a new one? That’s what you want to do?” This did not make me feel any better. I’m lying down with my mouth stretched out and dude is asking for my medical opinion on my teeth, which, by the way, I can’t see and know nothing about. Yes. Please. Give the goddamned retainer.

The orthodontist’s office was above a Starbucks and after I had my new retainer, my mouth tasted like cement so I went to get a coffee. There was a lady there who had a nervous tic of loudly saying, “Hold on! Wait! Hold on!” in a very irritated tone. She either had a) Tourette’s or b) a couple of kids.

*Eddie Izzard’s impression of entrances in British movies, which is what this post feels like.

**Psst! Please read my Big Love recaps! I work really hard on them and it’s the last season and I can’t take the Henricksons alone!

I have a year-in-review meme that I thought I did every year but I can’t seem to find it for last year. Weird.

Anyway, here it is for 2010.

1. Where did you begin 2010?

In my living room with the husband and the sister-in-law and her boyfriend.

2. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?

I ran. Writing this post, I looked back at my posts from the beginning of the year, and especially from when the husband’s job fell through. I was so sad. So, so sad and so very scared of what would become of us. When the winter finally started to let up, I started the Couch to 5k program. I really didn’t think I would be able to finish it, but I just kept doing it. Jogging a few times a week gave me 30 to 45 minutes where I was working toward a goal, sweating out a lot of nastiness, and pounding the ground beneath me, leaving everything behind for a bit. It was cathartic in a way that I didn’t know was possible. I still jog at least once a week and would like to do it more.

I walked across the stage of an auditorium and had my master’s degree placed in my hands. The associate head of my department, who works closely with me and who was the person to give me the diploma, said to me, “This is really such a rush,” and grinned the grin of an educator who sees her life’s work being well spent on someone who truly wanted to learn. I made a lot of people proud that day and that’s pretty cool.

3. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don’t really make resolutions because I think I like to ease into things rather than be like, “Okay, doing this starting NOW.” I want to jog more and figure out a way to work it into almost every day. I’ve lost about 20 pounds over the past year and would like to lose about 20 more. I started eating much better and adopted a much better attitude toward food and my body and would like to continue that. I also need to read more books.

4. Were you in school (anytime this year)?

No! I’ve had momentary flashes of, “Ooh, that class sounds interesting,” but they’re quickly replaced with the realization that I could just do anything else and it goes away. Maybe in the next few years I’ll have the strength to audit a class here and there, but I think I’m officially done with formal education.

5. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My co-worker/officemate had a baby girl and I feel like I haven’t really met her yet because both times she’s come to visit her office aunts she’s been asleep. The brat.

6. Did anyone close to you die?

No. Though we thought that my mother-in-law’s dog was going to kick the bucket (again) and she made a miraculous recovery (again) and it’s emotionally exhausting so I’ve decided that the goddamned dog is immortal the end.

7. What places did you visit?

Washington, D.C., Detroit, MI, New York, NY, Philadelphia, PA

8. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

Less fear and I would prefer that we accomplish that by having two incomes but some kind of like inner peace or whatever would work, too, I guess.

9. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

The only big date that I can think of is my graduation ceremony but I can’t remember what the precise date was. So, “some time in mid-May” will be the date etched upon my memory.

10. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

The aforementioned Couch to 5k and general big strides in my health and wellbeing, my graduation ceremony. I think I calmed down a lot.

11. What was your biggest failure?

Though I did calm down a lot, I’m stilly pretty anxious a lot of the time and get too upset about things that I can’t control and then lash out at people about it. It’s shitty. I don’t like myself for it. I wish I was better.

12. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Thankfully, no. Just the stomach virus thing a few weeks ago. And my PMS seemed to turn some kind of corner into crazytown. Need to tend to that.

13. What was the best thing you bought?

Roller skates! Though I’m still far from being an expert roller skater, I feel pretty bad ass marching into the rink with my skates. And they’re much prettier than those brown rental skates.

14. Whose behavior merited celebration?

The baby is 9, which is a weird age. He doesn’t really know how to behave because he’s not a little kid anymore but he’s not a big kid yet, either. So he’s struggling with handling responsibility and wanting more privileges but not acting in a way that affords him that. And getting mad at us when we point that out but mad at himself for knowing he could do better. But really, he’s a good kid, very self-aware, and wants more than anything to be a good person. It’s hard to know how to do that and I don’t think any of us ever figure it out, but at least he’s trying.

15. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Pretty much everyone else. I really kind of don’t understand what people are thinking and why they feel they can just do and say any stupid thing that comes in their head.

16. Where did most of your money go?

All of my money went to paying the bills that I can pay right now. None of it went to savings or toward paying the bills that I can’t pay right now (student loans). And that’s all I want to say about that because it’s so embarrassing and depressing that I don’t want to get into it.

17. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Getting past this shitty point in life somehow and moving forward. It’d be cool if that could happen.

The husband and I celebrating 10 years together. I think that’s pretty cool.

18. What song will always remind you of 2010?

Moments in Life by Andres

19. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Both.
b) thinner or fatter? Thinner.
c) richer or poorer? Poorer.

20. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Reading books, taking pictures, writing, and being with people. I live inside my head too much and that is, uh, a bad neighborhood. Sometimes I need to do that, just be alone so I can think through some stuff, but it’s better for me to be around other people.

21. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Being on the internet. I think I became a little better about just walking away sometimes. I’m having trouble balancing out the time that I spend on here being something that I actively enjoy and something that I do because I’m bored or don’t feel like doing something else.

Fretting about things that I can’t change.

22. How did you spend Christmas?

Christmas Eve was at my mother-in-law’s. Christmas morning was at our house, then we went to my mom’s house, then we went to the husband’s family’s house. The actual familial relationship I’m still not clear on, despite being part of the family for some time now.

23. Did you fall in love in 2010?

I fall more in love with the husband and the baby every day.

24. What was your favorite TV program?

Boardwalk Empire, Mad Men, The Walking Dead, Big Love, True Blood

25. What did you do for your birthday in 2010?

We had a small party at my mom’s house and went trick-or-treating.

26. What was the best book you read?

Oh, god. I don’t think I actually read any one book from beginning to end this year. This has to change. I used to devour books.

27. What did you want and get?

A new couch, thanks to my mom and a big sale at a local furniture store.

28. What did you want and not get?

Less stress and fear for both me and the husband.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?

I’m really glad that we saw True Grit the other day because otherwise it would have been a pretty lackluster movie year. True Grit was awesome.

30. Did you make some new friends this year?

Yep. BlogHer was kind of a goldmine for funny bitches.

31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

I know it’s stupid to get pissed at a meme, but isn’t this the exact same question as what did you want and not get?

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

Same as its always been: dressed.

33. What kept you sane?

The rad people in my life. Movies. Writing. Louis CK’s comedy.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Celebrities can eat a fat one. Seriously. I don’t give a flying frack.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?

The one where people acted like ignorant, over-privileged jackholes. Oh, wait, THAT WAS ALL OF THEM. Yeah, seriously done with every politician, every Republican, every Democrat, every Conservative, every Liberal. None of them has a clue what’s going on or what to do about it but they can’t admit that because shit would be chaotic.

36. Who did you miss?

I don’t know. Frank maybe?

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.

I’m not very cheery.

So despite my unsettled feelings about religion, I’m a huge fan of Christmas. I imagine it pisses some people off to know that I secularize such an important holiday, but I can’t help it. It has all of the elements that I love: gaudy decorations, days off of work and school, pretty music, funny movies, hanging out with my family, presents, huge meals, cookies, candy, and really early acceptable drinking times. As long as I’m not actively being evil, I think I get to do Christmas until Christ Himself comes to my house and demands a birthday cake, at which point I will make Him such an awesome cake that He’ll drop and give me 40 rosaries and 10 Hail Marys right there.

Anyway, yes. Christmas. It was pretty good, but was generally kind of a bummer because on Christmas Eve morning, my grandfather fell. He’s 88 years old, in excellent health both physically and mentally, doesn’t take any medications, exercises every day, and still works 40 hours a week. That morning, he went for his constitutional, and tripped. He had to drive himself back to his house because no one was around and my grandmother doesn’t drive. When they got to the hospital, they diagnosed him with a dislocated shoulder and a black eye. Not the most pleasant outcome but definitely not the worst. During tests, however, they discovered an irregular heartbeat and informed him that he would need to be in the hospital for a few days to correct it. He came home yesterday and is doing well, but he had to spend Christmas in the hospital and my grandmother, being how she is, never left his side. I’m, of course, glad that he’s okay but it wasn’t the same not to have them around.

Despite that and a soul-crushing trip to Macy’s the week before, we gathered up all of our Christmas spirit and prepared to enjoy the shit out of some presents.

It helped that our tree this year is, I think, the best one that we’ve had.

It smells amazing and has barely lost any needles. I am now basically this lady:

Plus, we got some of those LED lights this year and they’re so pretty. I hope that they make up for the fact that we don’t have any decorations outside because the pre-lit garland things that usually adorn our front door became the focus of my attention after the aforementioned, ill-fated trip to Macy’s that made me hate everyone on the planet (more). The garlands are now sitting in a pile on the porch after they were ripped from their posts around the door for such crimes as, “Not keeping their green whore asses up where they’re supposed to,” and “HOW MANY OF THESE STUPID BULBS ARE BURNT OUT?!??!”

The baby had a pretty good Christmas, presents-wise. We are navigating the murky waters of whether or not to believe in Santa and his age being a weird, in-between one…too old for most toys but too young for just clothes and whatnot. We ended up giving him a lot of stuff that’s tied to specific interests of his, namely Monty Python, Star Wars, and WWE.

I think we’re sticking with Santa for now. If nothing else, he’s still fun to talk about.

And the cat was pretty pleased with how it all turned out.

The WWE thing is a fairly recent development that made both the husband and I scratch our heads. But I vaguely remember being interested in wrestling for about 20 minutes when I was his age so maybe it’s just a rite of passage for Western PA kids or something. He hasn’t even really watched any WWE on TV, but I felt the need to explain to him that it’s theater more than combat. Yesterday we ended up falling down this weird YouTube rabbit hole when I showed him how cleanly the wrestling matches were choreographed (“See how he’s not actually punching that guy?”) and then in contrast showed him a few clips of Mike Tyson doing various savage things to people who used to have names but are now just One of Those Guys that Got Knocked Out By Mike Tyson. Then I realized that it was kind of messed up to be showing him all of that. So, yeah, I apologize for contributing to the desensitization of the next generation. My bad.

Anyway, I shopped online for some WWE toys for him just a few days before Christmas and was just kind of blindly picking things. I got him this which he was pretty excited about:

But I imagine OSHA wouldn’t have very good things to say about that particular workplace.

My mother-in-law gave him this game:

The other night when my sister-in-law was visiting, we had this conversation:

Her: “Is that game…beer pong?”

Me: “No, it’s…well…yeah, actually, it is beer pong.”

Then later, the husband came home and said, “Isn’t this basically beer pong for kids?” Violence and drinking games…that’s the kind of parenting I provide.

We normally go to my grandparents’ house on Christmas Day but obviously that was out so we all gathered at my mom’s house. We have a tradition where we take a picture of all the guys and then all the girls. The Y chromosome is strongly represented in our family.

I’m up to the religion and politics prompts in the 30 days of truth and it’s kind of appropriate since Christmas is upon us. (This is pretty rambly.)

I was raised Catholic. I went to Catholic school through 8th grade and considered myself Catholic until some time in my early twenties.

Now, I’m…well, now I’m just me. I’m agnostic. I’m not ready to call myself an atheist because I do believe that there’s something big that connects everyone and everything in the universe. But I don’t think that it’s anything that anyone would call God. It’s just existence and energy and the universe and everything. I think I used to find the idea of everything being chaotic and random scary, and the idea of a plan and God therefore comforting, but I don’t feel that way anymore. If there’s no God and no plan, then I am here, looking at the stars, by some beautiful accident. That is miraculous. It’s possible that there are no answers and I find that kind of wonderful.

I don’t really care what other people believe and would never support suppression of people’s preferred answers to life. But I find nearly all religions to be…woefully inadequate and silly and I don’t think I’m a bad person for saying so. Someone’s beliefs aren’t suddenly immune to criticism. I won’t tiptoe around someone’s thoughts just because they’re resolute.

Because I feel that I know the most about the Catholic/Christian experience, I feel comfortable saying that that whole scene is pretty screwed up. And in my experience the vast majority of its most vocal practitioners have no idea what they’re talking about and aren’t very good Christians or very good people.

We’re not raising the baby within any kind of religion because we feel very strongly that religion is not something that is inherited, but that it is simply an option when you’re looking for answers in life. I can’t experience the baby’s challenges in life for him so I can’t require that he look to the same kind of comfort that me and however many other members did. We talk about our worries and our fears and our questions all the time. If he wants to explore religion, we will. I think that’s fair.

As for politics, I’m a registered Democrat. I’m far more liberal than that, though, and wouldn’t dodge accusations of being a socialist. But right now I’m kind of done with all of it. I just haven’t seen any evidence that anyone who holds an elected position knows or understands that actual people are affected by their work. A few months ago, I took a “news break” because I was getting extremely upset to the point of not being able to function at the antics of politicians and businesses, especially surrounding the health care reform. I realize that I can do something like that because I am privileged and don’t have to actually live the news that I’m ignoring, but I really couldn’t take it anymore.

I feel that discourse has disintegrated into each side trying to prove how stupid the other side is, like this is some kind of game that can be won. The goal is no longer making America better for its citizens, but to make it as fertile for huge businesses as possible. We do not live in a society. We live in an economy. Maybe it’s always been that way. That doesn’t make it a good or worthwhile thing.

Day 1 Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2 Something you love about yourself.
Day 3 Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4 Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5 Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6 Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7 Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8 Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9 Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

I spent most of yesterday on the couch, tooling around on the internet and watching TV, which is what you’re supposed to do when you’re sick. I think the giddiness that I experience at the prospect of being able to partake in such activities without a smidgen of guilt is what jump-starts the recovery process.

I watched things that wouldn’t cause me any grief if I were to fall asleep during them. Daytime TV is made for that sort of thing, but that’s also what makes it kind of enthralling, leaving me napless. First was The Family Stone, the plot of which captured about 3% of my attention. The rest of them time I spent thinking, “God, I LOVE that house.”

Then I watched a particularly absurd episode of MTV’s True Life, which was about young psychics. One young woman was having trouble in her relationship with a guy whose name I believe was Squash because he didn’t believe in her abilities. There was also the not insignificant issue of her Christianity and her psychic gifts were not in line with the Bible. Squash went to Chattanooga to buy guns and then they broke up over the phone. She started dating a guy she met at a psychic expo and made out on camera, but then broke up two weeks later. (Insert joke here about why she didn’t see that coming.)

There’s a soap opera channel and they were showing an episode from the first season of Beverly Hills 90210. I realize now that the only reason that I ever liked that show was because I was 12 and a moron. I wanted to smack Brenda so badly and Jason Priestley does nothing but furrow his eyebrows the whole time.

At some point in all of this, I saw a commercial for Rent-a-Center starring Troy Aikman and Hulk Hogan. The, um, plot was that Troy talks up the great deals at Rent-a-Center for a few seconds and then Hulk Hogan wanders into the frame wearing an elf costume. He then utters the words, “I have an elf wedgie.” And that’s it. That’s their commercial. That’s how a company chose to sell themselves. I have an elf wedgie. If viewing this commercial caused you to consider patronizing a Rent-a-Center, please drop a bag of hammers on your foot.

Later on that night, the husband and I ended up watching Spies Like Us, which is way more hilarious than I remember. We were cracking up over the training sequence, particularly the Radical Vertical Impact Simulation exercise.

We then ceased being able to breathe when the husband read the comments for this video. Someone actually formed this thought and then typed it:

They watched the explosions, the bog of pig shit with machine gunfire, flamethrowers, g-force exercise, and an airplane smashing into the ground, and THAT was the detail that gave them trouble.

I’m taking this week off of 30 days of truth because the topics that I would tackle this week, my views on religion, politics, drugs, and alcohol, are way too long-winded to crank out during a lunch break blog post. Next time!

Way back in 2000, just a few weeks after the husband became the boyfriend, I came down with a really disgusting stomach virus. It was a total disaster because as poorly as I handle vomitous situations now, I was way worse back then. I wouldn’t calm down about what was happening and kept trying to find what I considered, in my no doubt delirious brain, the most appropriate receptacle for my stomach contents. Because I was sick and weak, I never made it to any of the arbitrary destinations I had in mind, and ended up throwing up all over the goddamn place. It was pathetic. I’m pretty sure that I begged to be taken to the hospital mid-heave on the dining room floor.

My mom had to come and help mitigate the situation, but the husband stayed right by my side the whole time as I ran from room to room, ruining carpets, and slept on the couch with me while I watched The Outsiders and clutched a bucket.

Ten years later, almost to the day probably, in some weird, messed up cycle, I came down with another bug. It wasn’t quite as intense as the original version and I’m slightly less of a baby about the whole thing. But…ugh.

I was fine yesterday, but in the car on the way home, my stomach felt a little uneasy and I suddenly became very sensitive to smells. “I smell burnt plastic,” I snarled, but no one else did.

When we got home, I headed to the kitchen to make dinner, but spun around and told the husband and the baby that they should dip into their soup reserves because I wasn’t feeling good and didn’t want to make anything. Then I headed upstairs because I needed to go to the bathroom.

I sat there, slightly concerned, but figuring/hoping that going to the bathroom would take that away. But then I started sweating out of nowhere and thought, “That…generally doesn’t happen.” And, of course, the baby was talking to me about…something through the door until I had to tell him to please stop because I was physically unable to talk anymore.

I stood up, flushed, and tried to evaluate the situation. “Yeah, I think maybe it’s going to happen. It’s okay. You can do this. Try not to think about what you ate for lunch today and how that will look in reverse. You don’t know how long you have at this point. Best to get ready. Take off your sweater. Secure your hair. It’ll be okay. It’ll be okay. It’ll be–HHUUUUUUGHGHHGHHUUUAAAAAAAAHGHGHGGHHHH.”

The baby had still been talking until he heard the unmistakable noises of hurling. As soon as there was a break in the (very graphic…believe me I am sparing you SO MUCH detail) action, he sweetly called out, “Mum? Are you okay?”

“Bleh. Cough. No.”

Once everything had calmed down and I had cleaned up the bathroom, I shuffled into my room and changed into pajamas.

And so it continued for the next few hours, though thankfully not as dramatic as the initial episode. The husband and baby kept their distance, but brought me Saltines and ginger ale and the baby made me the sweetest get well card which he ended with, “P.S. Don’t throw up on this leter.”

It was much like this, but without the drinking and the shame:

Love, Actually is one of those movies that I don’t really like except for right around Christmas. Because of this, I don’t really want to invest in a copy of the DVD and it doesn’t seem to be on any of my cable channels. I’m having trouble accepting that it’s not available on Netflix’s instant view and today I went to check again to see if it might have magically appeared. It hadn’t, but I noticed this recommendation that Netflix had for me.

Based on my interests, in Jackie Brown and The Turning Point, Netflix is suggesting “Mid-Life Crisis Movies” to me. Thanks, guys.

I’m going to squeeze in two more days of truth today: a book I’ve read that changed my views on something and my views on gay marriage.

I feel like the book question sort of corners you into selecting a non-fiction book. The first one that came to mind in that category is probably The Omnivore’s Dilemma, though I don’t know that it really changed any of my views but was just really, really informative about some stuff that I kind of already assumed. Perhaps a better example would be The Way We Never Were which is a sociology book about what author Stephanie Coontz calls “the nostalgia trap.” We accept the myth of the “good old days” without really examining data from that period. If we did, we would realize that we had a lot of the same problems that we’ve always had. A fiction book that had a great effect on me was The Road. It fleshed out a lot of feelings about life and parenting that I was really afraid of experiencing or thinking about, but it was really good to release after reading it. (That means I cried hysterically for about an hour, but, you know, a good, cleansing cry.)

As for gay marriage…if you’re against gay people marrying each other, I feel bad for you and wish that you would get your head out of your ass. If you are actively working against gay people marrying each other, I really have nothing nice to say to or about you. I wish I could say I was open to dialogue about this issue, but I’ve seen no evidence that people who are truly troubled by the prospect of consenting adults marrying each other aren’t just huge jerks. Life is too short to engage such people. But know that I think you are deeply troubled and should pray for peace. I will vote against your politicians and quash your pathetic attempts to discriminate. I will dismiss any religious backing for such hate as a truly unfortunate side effect of the First Amendment. Call me close-minded. I never claimed to be open-minded toward mean people.

Day 1 Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2 Something you love about yourself.
Day 3 Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4 Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5 Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6 Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7 Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8 Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9 Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself